Continuing to Make Progress

Today was another day in the whirlwind. After making the travels to Maple Grove to get to Babies R Us (which, when will that city every learn to plow appropriately?) , we went to the hospital. It took us a little longer to pick out the car seat (we ended up just getting a new travel system because K's stroller is okay, but the stroller that came with the Chicco Keyfit is fabulous. Of course, we looked for a double stroller, but they didn't have one that worked for us and his car set. So, D and I talked about realistically how long will K want to be in a stroller and will we actually be using the Baby Bjorn more for O once he gets big enough. We'll see how this works. We are going to see if we can donate our Combi travel system that we had with K, because it's in perfect condition, we just can't use it with O.

Success story at the hospital today. O's making great progress with the eating. He's still not where he needs to be, but is doing a lot better. He ate 25 grams from me today (we weighed him before and after he nursed) and took another 20 from the bottle afterwards. Breastfeeding is so tough on the little guys. The nurse was super curious how much he ate from me because I am like a lactation machine at the moment, and so she was thinking he might be getting a lot from me before he tired out. I was so excited to see that he got that much from me. (His bottles are of my breast milk, so technically, he's getting all his food from me.) I don't know if it's just my genetics, but the lactation consultant also suggest I drink this product called Nursing Time Tea. Fortunately, I like tea and this stuff tastes pretty good. I have two cups a day, and my production is amazing for only being on the job for seven days.

I'm hoping that he did a great job with eating after we left and through the night. Each day he gets better at eating, the closer he is to coming home. And we just can't wait! It is always interesting how the doctor's tell you the news. His doctor today was the doctor he had on the first day, and she was very nice and sweet when she explained he couldn't come home today. I said that I completely understood, and would rather he come home ready than too early. She looked relieved when I said that and told me how some parents are not always understanding, and get very angry when they can't take their babies home when they want to. I can see why they'd be frustrated (and that was very much D yesterday when we got the news he wasn't coming home yet but talking it through with him, I think he finally saw the light yesterday). But, I'd much rather O be able to come home and not have to be re-admitted in the hospital a few days later.

Soon my little pumpkin will be home!

The Holiday Whirl

This holiday season has been a whirl in so many respects. Our baby boy was unable to spend it with us, but we're hoping he'll be home soon. K has continued on his unbelievable good behavior streak. Seriously, the kid deserves a Nobel for how remarkably well he's been this week. I don't know if most kids could have handled everything he has.

So, today is the day after. We spent the last two days with our families and trekked in the Christmas Blizzard of 2009 (as it apparently has been dubbed) to visit O in the hospital every day. We have to trek out today to go and find a new car seat. Apparently the one we used with K is too tall for his tiny stature. So, I spent the evening researching online the best seats for preemies and came up with two recommendations. (Of course, both are around $200). The hospital has two models available as well that are only $65, but they don't have bases. And if you've ever had to lug an infant seat in and out of a car ... the base is perhaps the greatest invention ever. Of course, the only place that carries the car seat we need to get is Babies R Us. (I want to say ... hey Target infant buyers ... do your research ... these car seats are considered the most popular for preemies on multiple Web sites - it's not just Graco out there.)

This morning I've spent taking down all the holiday decorations (and trying very hard to stay within my 5 lb weight-lifting restrictions). I figure, since O isn't home with us yet, I'd rather spend my time now taking all the stuff down so that when he is home, we can just focus on marveling our two boys. Usually, I wait until New Years day to take everything down, because I love having the house all decorated and festive. But alas, it feels good to take it all down and just get ready for relishing every moment of my leave once he gets home.

The Joy of Breastfeeding

Having a baby is perhaps the greatest experience (sans the whole pain of labor thing). However, it is also the one sure way to throw all modesty out the door. With my first pregnancy, my son K was able to room with us after delivery. My new son O is spending his first days in the NICU. What does this mean? I get to share my breastfeeding trials and triumphs with many people.

First, let's point out that my precious little bundle is only five pounds. He's a tiny peanut, who clutches at my heartstrings every minute. And he's of course connected to a bunch of wires and tubing, which can only be extremely irritating to him when I try to force upon him a food source that's twice the size of his head. I'm a huge advocate of breastfeeding, but I also completely understand why women don't do it, can't do it or try and then switch to the bottle. Having other people watch you in this most intimate moment with your child is an opportunity ripe with self-criticism.

And of course, with a premature baby, it's even harder. You desperately need him to eat, proving that he can sustain himself and thrive at home. O isn't quite there yet, he sucks for a little bit, but it's more a tease. "Hey, ma, I can do it ... but man ... it's a lot of work and this feeding tube is much easier." D and I have been taking turns trying to get him to feed. D with bottles of breast milk and then three hours later (or before) me trying to get him to latch and suck and then feeding him a bottle.

Everyone has their own tips and tricks, too. So with each new nurse or lactation consulted who is around, they suggest different ideas to help try to get him to eat more. I appreciate that he has such a supportive cheering section, but I always wonder if he and I could just sit together for a while and talk it out, maybe I could coax him into it? Wishful thinking?

The other important thing I've learned with this recent delivery is that my chances for post-partum depression are higher than normal due to the following factors: earlier than expected delivery, baby in the NICU, and having gestational diabetes ... oh and the stress of the holidays. The only thing I didn't get is the surprise c-section (apparently, you have a 40% chance of ppd if have one.) So, I'm thinking that I will leverage the cathartic experience of blogging to help me keep sane. And of course, it's lots of fun to give updates on the family and the whole experience of now raising two young men!

How O Made His Debut

This weekend was unlike any other weekend. And presented itself with a big surprise for the family. It all started Saturday night. I was feeling a little pelvic pressure, but if I shifted my position it would go away. Still, having learned from the past that I tend to wait until the last minute when admitting I'm in serious pain, I decided to call the doctor. At 3 a.m., since the pain would go away when I moved, she thought it was probably just my body getting ready for the birthing process and nothing to be too worried about.

Five hours later, after not getting much sleep, the pain was becoming worse and more frequent ... and it was no longer going away when I moved. So, I called again. This time, she suggested I come in just to check everything out and make sure I was okay. So, at 8:30, I went up to get my husband and said, we have to go in to the hospital. We threw together a suitcase quick, just in case and got K dressed (and we got dressed, too.)

I looked out the window, and of course ... it was snowing! Fortunately, not too bad, but bad enough that we couldn't drive the speed limit. As we drove, the pain got increasingly worse, it wasn't quite like the contractions I remembered with K, but it was the horrible being split in half pain that I remembered. D dropped me off at the Emergency drop-off and I was wheeled to triage. He went and parked the car and he and K would meet me there.

In triage, they hooked me up to their monitors and then the nurse checked my cervix. Now, I am telling you, I've never seen someone grab the phone so fast ... All I heard her say was, "I have someone who is complete, all I feel is a bulging bag of waters, we're bringing her down." The next thing I know, I'm being wheeled to the delivery room. And yes, amidst all this, I'm crying because the pain is so intolerable. God bless the nurses, as they tried to reassure me. I just kept saying, it just hurts. The doctor came in, broke my water and then I was told whenever I need to push - PUSH.

Of course, doing this whole scene from a LifeTime movie (because that is what it felt like to me, too surreal to be actually happening) K was on the floor coloring and entertaining himself. The perfect three-year-old when his mommy is sitting their in agony. Of course, everything was too fast for me to get any pain medication and I do think it is the most excruciating pain known to humans. I cannot believe how painful it was. There is nothing I can say that is comparable. After what I am told was only 15 minutes of pushing (but felt like an eternity and I swear I screamed so loud that whole floor could hear me because, really, in some strange animalisitic way, the screaming helped) baby O made his debut. Five weeks early, he weighed in at five pounds.

He's doing exceptionally well in the NICU right now, and of course D and I cannot believe we made such another beautiful baby boy. He's absolutely precious and makes your heart swell with love. K has been an unbelievably well-behaved child in the hospital, and D told me I am able to go and hold him when I go and visit him next, so I am very excited. I'm just waiting for D to take his shower, so that I can take one and then it's off to visit my boy!

It's Beginning to Look (and Taste) a lot like Christmas

Last year, D and I decided to include handmade goodies as a gift to our extended relatives that we would see during the holidays, but not necessarily give an extravagant gift to. So, we spent a day or two (or perhaps three) baking a plethora of goodies and then boxing them up for presents.

This year, we decided to do something different then cookies. We've decided to do caramels and truffles. So, this weekend, we did our "test batch" of caramels. They turned out well, but are a complete mess to create and cut and then dip into chocolate. We know the truffles will be a mess, but I was kind of hoping the caramels would be the easy part of the gift. This weekend, we'll tackle making the truffles and additional batches of caramels. Thank goodness we are a good team when it comes to working together ... I think this could make more insecure couples run the other way!

Six Years of Wedded-ness

Yesterday, D and I celebrated six years of marriage. Every year, we take it very seriously to hunt down a gift that follows the rules for the traditional anniversary gift. I don't know why we went down that path - maybe it's because we crave instilling traditions in our lives, because we don't really have any larger family traditions. Anyhow, we started it out that way with our first anniversary, and we've kept to it each year.

For six years, the traditional gift is candy. Okay, this was a bit of a bummer, because any other year, that would be a great gift. But for me this year, well ... candy is just not a luxury item. So, I tried to think of a creative way to make a bigger gift out of candy. My lovely sister offered to make her babysitting services available that day, so it hit me. D and I rarely get to go to the movies. One of the things D loves the most about the movies is the concession stand. What do they sell at the concession stand? Candy! It was perfect. I was able to keep it a surprise until Saturday and he was completely shocked.

We decided to catch an afternoon movie, mainly because Sunday's are the day for preparing for re-entry into work mode on Mondays and I'm pretty tired by the evening. So, we went out for lunch and then went to see The Blind Side. It was a great movie, and we both laughed and teared up as appropriately as we could. But the most touching moment of the whole date was something my husband said to me on the way home.

"Don't you think it's just great that at the time we are reflecting what we are most thankful for, we celebrate our wedding anniversary?" Okay, D is a spectacular husband on most fronts, but this sentimental expression took me a little off-guard (other than me pointing out that we chose when we got married.) So, yes at this time of year when reflecting what I am most thankful for, it is a great and caring husband and fantastic son, with son number two joining us early next year!

Where Did November Go?

Okay, I have to apologize for the delinquency in my blog posts for the month of November. It was a bit of a crazy month in all and I can't believe it escaped so quickly past my finger tips.

With less than eight weeks until our family grows by one, I think reality has truly finally hit us that we have a lot to do. Of course, the room is already set up, but I need to go through all of K's packed away clothes to see what baby may be able to re-purpose. Good thing that babies don't care much about their clothing that we can get away with reusing most stuff. (However, I am learning three-year-olds have very strong opinions on their clothing.) Closets are organized (woohoo!!) and we've started our gift-purchasing for the Christmas exchanges.

It's different this year, with D being at home, he's a lot more involved in the little intricacies around the holidays. For example, the advent calendar. Now, typically, I take this on and fill it with delectable treats for the three of us. With my gestational diabetes, I was counting myself out on the treats this year (but let me tell you, I am relishing having pie for dessert every night - that was the best suggestion the dietitian gave me, yet!) So, I was just planning on filling it with treats for the two men in my life. But D decided he wanted to help ... and pick out some of the advent goodies. He went a little overboard, and now K will be surprised with a mixture of sweets or toys (small enough to fit in the advent calendar, but big enough not to be concerned that they will be lost in the carpet.) It was kind of fun to watch my husband take this on as a personal mission and I think he is going to savor each night when K opens a door to take out his surprise. I think that's the best part. We both know that K will provide so much excitement when he sees what is in each door.

That's the great thing about kids, they truly appreciate little things and make them out to be bigger than life.

Nesting?

With less than ten weeks to go before our family grows a little bigger, it's finally hit me that we have some serious things to get in order. The biggest item, putting in a new closet organization system for our three-year-old. One, because I want the dresser for the nursery and two, to give him a little more room in his bedroom.

So, it's really all about trusting my gut. I did the research and suggested we go with the simple expandable closet organizer things you can get at Home Depot or Lowe's. They're not cheap, but they are a lot more reasonable than, say, California Closets. He's just got a reach-in closet, so our options are some what limited to begin with. D instead insists we go with a more extravagant (read more expensive) system from Ikea (yes, Ikea's solution was more expensive than Lowe's). So, I agreed to give it a try. Alas, it doesn't fit in the closet. After much sweat (D's, not mine) and trying to get it to fit, it's worthless, you cannot use the drawers. The closet is too odd shaped to accommodate the cookie-cutter, non-adjustable closet solution. Fortunately, we have a few other closets, where I think it could work and I won't feel like we completely wasted our money.

So, now it's back to my solution idea. I'd really like to get the closet thing done before December. I'll keep you posted if we make it there.

Where Did the Cuddly Elephant Go?

Ah, tomorrow is Halloween. It's a festive occasion I have mixed feelings about. I like the whole dressing up and being someone you're not bit. And, frankly, who can deny that the candy assortment is tops. (With the exception of Easter, because jelly beans are my favorite.) I've even enjoyed the mess in carving pumpkins with K. But this year was a turning point for Halloween in our household.

First, the costume situation. I admit, dressing my son up in cute animal costumes has probably been more to my pleasure than his. He was an absolutely adorable elephant one year, and a super cute turtle last year. I had a feeling this year he would want more of a say in his costume. He is three after all, and they have very strong opinions! Well ... after much hunting for the costume of his choice ... he ended up deciding he wanted to be a ninja. A three-year-old ninja. Alas, I am not even sure what to think about it. Yes, due to us being lax parents and letting him watch the Nickelodeon cartoon "The Avatar" he can emulate perfect martial arts moves. (And I'm not kidding, he is spot on, it's kind of scary.) So, I wasn't completely surprised with the whole ninja decision ... but it was just proof that he's one step closer to not being a baby anymore.

Next, the pumpkin. We purchased a pumpkin last week ... but before we got to carving it, it started to rot. This was more annoying than anything. So, last night we went out in search of getting a replacement pumpkin to carve. Well, of course, Target has these plastic jack-o-lanterns on display. What does K say? "Mommy, I want to get one that's already carved." Of course, D got a big smile on his face, because he didn't want to carve pumpkins in the first place. (He despised the mess, and accurately is aware he'd be the one to clean it up off the floor since I can hardly bend over at this point of pregnancy.) I sadly conceded to the plastic jack-o-lanterns. They don't make much sense, but I guess it shows that we can be a little festive. Of course, if someone comes and tries to steal them to throw them, they'll be a little disappointed, too.

So, tomorrow's the big night. We're taking K to an event at the zoo, where he can trick-or-treat safely and we don't have to worry about too many crowds. (It's for members only, so at least we know there will be some limits to the number of people allowed in.) I hope everyone has a splendid Halloween!

The Bloody Glucose Test

Friday I had my one hour glucose test. Now, since I had gestational diabetes during my first pregnancy, the chances of me having it this time are pretty high. So, I figured the news wouldn't be great. So, to try to save myself the pain and trials of even having to sit through the three-hour test, I asked my doc if I failed the one hour, could we just skip it and go right to the regime.
She told me if I failed it significantly. But if I was borderline, she wanted me to go through the three-hour test because, well, maybe I didn't have it.

So, a few hours later, I get the call... I failed ... but was on the borderline. But they do things a little different 4 years later. Before I take the three-hour, I am being sent a two-day diet plan I have to follow. This will be interesting. I haven't received it yet, so I am not sure if it's a true ... here are the meals, or if it's more breakfast -1 carb choice, lunch - 3 carb choices and dinner - 4 carb choices. It will be interesting, that's for sure.

Of course, with my first pregnancy, I was completely diet-controlled. So that will be my goal again. Testing your blood four times a day is bad enough, I really don't want to have to give myself shots of insulin. Of course, it means that during the worst time of year (the holidays!) I am going to have to watch how I eat so closely... no gorging this Thanksgiving or Christmas. But it's worth it. I watch K and he is truly a great joy, so I know that baby dos, will be just as much a joy.

A Nine-Year Engagement

This week I celebrated my work anniversary (or more appropriately called at the corporate mecca - your "service anniversary.") I can't believe I have been serving the same corporate giant for nine years. That's the longest appointment I have had with any institution. The thing with anniversaries is that they tend to set you up for lots of reflection. Of course in the corporate world, you get recognized for your first year (yay - they stuck it out for a year!), third year (that's really when they think you've become loyal), five years, ten years and then every five years after that. So, it was not a monumental anniversary by the company's standards. But, perhaps, every anniversary really should be.

Let's get back to that reflection bit. You see, I think when you've committed to something for nine years, you tend to become even more critical about whether it's mutually beneficial. Of course, it is my family's sole income source at the moment, so I guess that is my primary benefit and one I shouldn't complain about. But I'm starting to really wonder about my market value equation. You see, I was contacted by a recruiter, and being five-months pregnant, I kindly let her know that the timing was not right. But I still decided to take a look at the job posting online (I happen to know a few other people are looking, so I thought the least I could do was pass on the opportunity to them). The salary was better, the benefits listed were equal to what I am experience now ... so what is requiring my loyalty to sticking around for another nine years?

Our top leaders would have you believe it's the culture. Which, in some aspects I get (but mind you, that's part of my job, making other's believe that our culture is unique, dynamic and a reason to stay.) But is culture enough? At the end of the day, if you feel like you are giving more than others, and reaping fewer rewards, is it worth staying? It's like being married to a man and finding out he's cheated on you for five years ... while you are pinching pennies to pay the bills ... he's buying his mistress expensive clothes and trips. It just doesn't seem fair and equitable. I think I need more than just a "culture" that I am partly responsible for selling.

So, while I'm doing soul-searching, I'll stay put until baby comes and do even more digging. But I want to know ...What makes you stay in your working relationship?

Our Last Twins Game at the Dome

Earlier this week, D, K and I took my dad to the Twins game. It was a father's day/birthday present for my dad who's a huge baseball fan. And of course, K enjoys baseball. I discovered that evening was the first baseball game that both my husband and son had ever gone to. I was a bit surprised (being that D is 7 years older than me, it's always interesting what life experiences he surpasses me completely and what things I introduce him to. I also had the joy of taking him to his first concert.)

For those who don't know, the Twins are moving to an open field/outdoor ball park next season. So, this would be the last time we'd see the Twins playing at the Metrodome. They were playing the Cleveland Indians. The game had quite a bit of excitement, lasted forever, but happily the Twins took the win!

K learned a thing or two about baseball from his grandpa (how much he retains, we'll have to wait and see) and loved dancing around his seat and entertaining the others around us. It was great fun to watch my dad try to pass on his knowledge and get K to cheer for certain players. And of course, when my dad disappeared for a while, I wasn't surprised to see that he came back with a baseball cap for K. Now, K has to take this hat everywhere. It's a little to big for him now, but he'll be able to grow into it and then wear it for much longer. But he's had to wear it everywhere! I'm glad that the evening brought joy to all three guys and have a few pictures I'll have to upload later. Go Twins!

The Joy of Being Outnumbered

On Friday, we were formally introduced to the images of our second child. Yes, at 8:15 in the morning, the three of us got all comfy in a dark room and watched as the tech walked us through the images of our ultrasound. K was mildly amused. It felt like it was a long time in a small, dark room and a three-year-old can only handle so much.

She walked through the images of the heart, brain, spine, kidneys, and more. Then K did something that distracted me, so I almost missed when she said "It's a boy." (We had told her at the beginning that yes, we'd be interested in finding out.) The next think I know is K's lower lip sticks out and his chin begins to quiver. "But I wanted a baby sister." And a few big tears roll down his cheeks. Of course, D and I determined that the reason he really wanted a sister was because he is not to big on the whole sharing toys with a brother idea. (Of course, with their age difference, they'll probably be into very different toys for quite some time.)

After a couple days of sharing all the exciting things about having a little brother, K is now very happy about meeting the little guy. And the whole concept of a sister ... well, now we just focus on that we hope he gets more girl cousins as this family will be complete with the new addition come January.

How do I feel about having a second boy? Excited ... little boys are great fun. Of course, I might occasionally look over at the cute frilly dresses and realize that the boys options are not as fun when it comes to clothes and yes, I've become primed on superheroes and football and all things "boy" more than I ever anticipated. But, little boys love their mommies and let's be honest ... D and I can agree on boys names much more easily than we ever could on girl names. Of course, I'm hoping that the second boy potty trains a little earlier with K as his role model. Just 18 more weeks until his expected arrival!

Autumn, oh Autumn

Leaves are changing, the air is getting a hint of crispness, and the harvest moon has been a bright shining jewel in the sky. I love this time of year. For a few brief months, I get to revel in perfect weather that calls for sweaters, drinking warm drinks that don't have to contain caffeine and all things that represent deliciousness.

I cannot wait for my October issue of Food & Wine. I hope it has an array of squash and pumpkin recipes that I can convince my husband to try to make. The only thing I miss right now is that I'm not able to open up a yummy, jammy zinfandel or smooth pinot and savor the simple pleasantries of life.

I can't wait because the stores should be clearing out the Back to School merchandise and gearing up for Halloween. Now, I'm not a huge Halloween person myself, but having a child who gets all frothy with excitement over the holiday makes it a little different. Of course, I know that this year he will want to pick out his own costume, so I'll probably end up with a superhero. It's this time right now that I appreciate living in Minnesota, and I'd only give it up for a relo to somewhere nice and foodie in Europe.

The Frugal Life

Well ... the world came crashing in a little earlier this week. Wednesday my husband informed me he quit his job. And it was the kind of quit where he decided they didn't deserve two weeks notice. He notified HR and then left. Now ... how do you react to this? If I weren't mid-way through my pregnancy, I probably would have yelled, screamed and shouted at the top of my lungs. But knowing that wasn't the healthy option, I stayed calm. We had to talk this through. Was it the smartest option ... no ... is our family growing in January ... yes. Of course, we had already talked about D staying home once baby number two arrived due to the fact that his paycheck would have just been covering the cost of daycare (yes, daycare is the equivalent of our mortgage payment) but I was not planning on a six-month acceleration of the plan.

We had things to do in these next six months where his income would have been nice. Like first, getting used to the fact that we now actually have to live by budget, no more random, not feeling like cooking and just ordering takeout, no more $100 poker nights with the boys, no more spending money without having to really think about can we pay all our bills this month. We've just lowered our household income by a 1/3.

Of course, this means we are now taking a hard look at what we spend. And it had me using my Saturday morning planning out our meals for the week as smartly as possible, looking at the SuperTarget ad to see what was on sale and downloading coupons. We did spend less than $70 at the grocery store this week, which I have to say is probably the least we've ever spent. So, we'll see how well we can stick to this and what other frugal choices we'll be making to see if we can sustain a one-working parent household.

If anyone has some great money saving advice, please share it with me!

Much Needed Escape

This weekend we trekked up to Northern Minnesota to the city of Duluth. Our intentions were to just get a way and not be bogged down with the traditional routines. I think D saw it as the big hurrah before digging into getting the deck done and for me, it is definitely a small break before what I anticipate to be some changes at work.

We didn't have a set agenda and spent the first day walking down canal park, and spending time on the shoreline. K loved climbing the rocks and throwing rocks into the water. His excitement and energy were so contagious. (I'll have to upload pictures later when we get home.) Just his delight in being in a new place made D and I realize how much fun it is to see things through the innocent eyes of a three-year-old.

When we checked into the hotel, you would have thought we were at Disney World. K was so running around, climbing on the bed, checking everything out. Blissed out of his mind on this experience. We had dinner at Angie's Cantina - food - good, service- oh so very bad. D and I normally are generous tippers. But the service was so bad, that we did feel like we had to make sure the tip reflected it. I'm sorry waitress. But it was just that bad.

The next day we went to the local aquarium and my son proved that he may be adventurous when it comes to injury-prone rock climbing, but not when it comes to putting his hands in the touch tanks to feel sting rays and sturgeon. We capped off the day by driving farther North to Gooseberry Falls. Again, K demonstrated his no fear attitude when it came to climbing up rocks. In my pregnant state, I took more balance-safe paths, but tried to humor him whenever possible.

Dinner Saturday was a different story, we ate at a little Italian place called Va Bene -- I had a citrus-glazed salmon that melted in my mouth, succulent green beans (yes, they can be succulent) and a potato gellate. It was so yummy, I actually cleaned my plate, which hasn't happened in a while.

Now, it's Sunday morning and my son is rearin' to get going some more. Alas, D and I both know that over the course of the next few hours, we'll be slowly making our re-entry into the real world. I have lots of work to do in preparation for Monday. Blech.

Four Months Down

Hit the four month mark officially yesterday ... and I don't know why, but right now this pregnancy feels like it is taking forever. It seemed to just sweep by with K. I know of course that as soon as I hit the 20-week mark, I'll enter panic mode and wonder where the time went by. I think part of it is that I sometimes look pregnant ... and I sometimes just look really, really fat. (one two many bites at lunch, huh?)

The bambino in the oven isn't the only project going on in our household, either. We are desperately trying to get a deck up before our permit expires (early September) and we are not moving very quickly. And then, this weekend it had to go and rain and storm yesterday, so we didn't really want to dig the holes for the footings. (Didn't think it was the brightest idea.) But I just so desperately want to get it done! It will be the first piece of us plotting out the rest of the landscaping for our backyard -- which so desperately needs it. We'll admit it, our yard is not the best. When it comes to green thumbs, I have two black ones.

Anyone have any tips on building a deck? (other than hiring someone else :))

The First Day of August

It's the first day of August. The last month of summer. And what can I say? I'm thrilled! True, for the most part it's been a very mild summer without too much overbearing heat ... but alas, anyone who knows me really well know that my favorite time of year is just a post-State Fair batch of cheese curds away. There is nothing I love more than autumn/fall -- whatever you call it, I call it where I would like to spend all of my days.

It's the food, it's the aromas, it's the sweaters coming out of hiding. It is perfection. God takes his paintbrush and makes the world full of beautiful tones and crisp winds. I cannot wait.

On the baby news front ... I've developed what I think is pregnancy carpal tunnel. Two words: not fun. I'll have to remember to talk to my doctor about it, because I think she can show me techniques to alleviate the tingling and pain and I'll probably breakdown and get an arm brace. Didn't have this fun sensation with K, so I'm not to excited about it this time. Maybe the trade-off will be that I won't have to go through diabetes again. We'll see.

And, I've officially realized how much I really miss wine. Not that I ever really drank it that frequently to begin with, but I think it was the fact that if I wanted it ... well, I could just go and get some. I also think it was the idea of just exploring in the wine shop all the interesting varietals that existed and drinking in visually all the choices. I know that this is just a short-term ban on the vino, and it's very much worth the ban, so I am not going to whine too much for my wine.

To Be a Teaching Moment

This week I had my 14-week check-up with the doctor. Now, with K, I was good and did the whole rotation of possible Ob-gyns that could have potentially delivered him. This time, I decided that really, it didn't matter. The whole experience is a blur and as long as the doctor delivering my child does a good job, I don't need to know them personally beforehand. Instead, I'd like to stick with one doctor throughout the pregnancy, so that I feel like they are familiar with my situation.

At this appointment, I was asked if it was okay if a resident observed as she was shadowing my doctor. Of course, I obliged. This was a fairly straight-forward appointment, nothing too exciting. So, of course, it was the resident who was going to find the heartbeat. This poor student - she put just a little gel on and barely applied any pressure. I questioned if I should speak up, because I could tell that she wasn't doing it the way that they've been performed on me in the past. But I didn't -- I'm not a doctor, and I didn't want to be a know-it-all without a medical degree. So, then the doctor took over (of course, this meant more gel, since she didn't put enough on the first time) and the doctor found the heartbeat immediately.

Now, I didn't show any panic or anything of that nature, when the resident couldn't find it. But I think the doctor wanted to reassure the resident not to freak out. She explained that it was still that time in the pregnancy when heartbeats can be harder to find. (Even though she found it at 10 weeks which is even harder.) Then I asked if I would be testing for gestational diabetes earlier this time since I did have it during my previous pregnancy. Well, I got a very thorough detailed answer. Seriously, the resident probably learned more during my appointment than most others that day.

I'm glad I could help out a future medical professional. I just hope she applies more pressure on her next patient.

The Find

So, I've been looking for a great antique find for my living room. In the whole manor of Wabi Sabi, I wanted to add something with a little age, history, life to go with my modern Room & Board chairs and Ikea sofas (talk about mixing!) I was geared up for trips to antique stores, and was figuring we'd need to start soon since the summer is practically gone (if it really ever was here for more than one week in June.)

Well ... I didn't have to go very far for my piece of history. Only to my in-laws. D and his friend S were helping them move furniture so that they could put in new flooring. His dad asked me to go downstairs and take a look at something. I always brace myself for these requests, because sometimes it's an old karate uniform of D's, sometimes it's something I don't even understand. So he led all of us into one of their guest rooms ... and then pointed to this huge piece of furniture. Do you guys like it. Yeah, we love it. Do you want it? Really? It belonged to D's great-grandmother, and we don't have room for it anymore. So, in one tiny afternoon, I acquired a gorgeous old wooden ice chest (it does weigh a ton) that is not only a great antique ... but it's a family heirloom.

Of course, I'm thrilled. I don't know exactly how it will fit in my room ... how I'll want to tie in the rest of the decor yet ... but I'm amazed at what I was expecting to be a fun search was not too far away. Of course ... now I just have to determine what else I need that can be a good excuse for antiquing!

The Secret is Out

The cat's out of the bag so to speak ... officially at least. K is going to be a big brother -- and I can finally put on maternity clothes. Seriously, no one warned me that a second child makes it's physically appearance so much faster! I wanted to hold of telling at work, made it to 13 weeks this week and knew that next week I have to break out those comfy belly banded pants. It's just gotten to the point of ridiculousness in the showing department. I know this week if you caught me a certain angle, I already looked pregnant. Yikes!

Of course, all of our parents are super excited. K is excited, but he doesn't really know why. And D and I ... well, we're trying to figure it out. The cost of two children in day care -- $500. A WEEK. A bit crazy if you ask us, so now we're trying to look at all the options and decide what will be the best one for our family. Stay tuned ... the blog will probably have a bit more focus of the course of the next few months until the end of January :)

The Fourth of July

yes, it was over three days ago ... and being away from Internet connections pretty much made updating my blog an impossibility ... but it was a great weekend ... long ... lazy ... and full of family fun. K enjoyed spending time with his grandparents and auntie (so much so, he cried when we left) and I got to sleep a lot. It was good. D was a model spouse and would take K to the playground so I could rest or just catch up with family (and he did this tirelessly for hours.) I couldn't have asked for a better experience this weekend. Well ... I could have stood not to get a sunburned nose, but clearly the twenty gallons of sun block (physical block, too with zinc) was not enough to stop the sun's penetration onto my long skinny nose.

I hope everyone else had a fantastic holiday weekend!

Olive Oil - So Much More than a Cooking Aide

It is June. And with June comes another tasting club event. This month, we dived into the joys and wonders of extra virgin olive oil. Who knew that when it comes down to it, olive oils are like wine and chocolate with various origins, textures tastes. (Okay, in truth we are learning this about every thing that we have as a tasting event!)

The evening had us explore the divine depths of four luxury extra virgin olive oils. And of course, as we've learned with each tasting, there is usually some interesting part of the ritual. Of course for this month, it was that we took a drink of the extra virgin olive oil straight from our little cups ... yeah ... it was strange, but it really did help us see how different they were.

The first treat was a dark, rich oil that had a slight grassy, earthy aroma. The flavor however was a very smooth nutty treat. With a slight peppery finish, this was something you could pour on popcorn and call it heaven. It was no surprise that it hailed from the land of Italy. It was the Lucini olive oil. You can purchase it in a variety of places, but fair warning I noticed that the prices greatly vary (when I was grabbing the image.) I happened to notice that SuperTarget carried it for the very reasonable 8.99 (almost half of what it cost everywhere else.)

The second treat was a lovely Spanish oil called L'estornell. This was a very delicate oil that had a slightly sweet aftertaste, but was almost so subtle that it lacked too much flavor. Again, great for someone who maybe doesn't want a rich extra virgin olive oil or just wants a tiny bit of the luxury. According to the producers web site, this can typically be found at Williams-Sonoma. And I think you're looking at around $20 - 25 for the bottle.

The third oil smelled like herbs with a hint of fruit. You were hit by the strong pepper flavor and as you swallowed it down, the thick liquid made you cough. It was still good, but just so very different than the first. It's no surprise that this one hailed from the Greek Isles. A land known for their care and love of olives. It was definitely a delicious oil for flavoring your bread or cooking with, if you like a stronger taste to your oil. It was the Nassapoulos Family Groves Greek Gourmet Extra Virgin Olive Oil. On their web site, I think you can get a number of different sized bottles for under $10.

The final oil was one for someone who really likes a punch. There was a stronger floral scent to this oil, but the aroma did not prepare you for the unbelievable rich, peppery taste. If you are someone who likes to add a little pepper to your extra virgin olive oil before dipping your bread -- don't with this. It's the perfect blend of pepper and oil already. There's no need to enhance it. The taste is so strong that drinking it straight burned your throat a little like tequila. With bread it was great -- and it would probably be superb for cooking. Of course, this little treat came from the sunny lands of Californa and the McEvoy Ranch. At $20, you definitely may want to try it before you buy it if you are more of a subtle flavor person.

The rest of the food was great, we had mini Caprese salads (which are one of my favorite things!) and delicious little artichoke, olive, tomato pizzas. Next month, we'll venture into the fine world of cured meats. It's like a building antipasti!

Sore Throat Signs

Today I work up with a sore throat. Not razor blades, I'm dying strep sore throat, but a really, really sore throat. So, to play it safe, I thought it best to work from the confines of my home office today. My meetings consisted of mainly being touch bases with my team, so I know they'll understand and forgive me.

This sore throat did get me thinking though. Maybe it was a sign from above that I need to slow down a bit, reflect on things and not be so rush, rush. I'll keep that in mind as a tackle the rest of the week (praying that my throat feels better tomorrow) which is jam-packed full. I think I have extra-curricular events every day through Saturday. Whew!

Father's Day

Today is the day we honor the man who are responsible for us being put on this planet. Of course, Father's Day has even more meaning now because I'm married to one. But I have to say, I am very lucky because he was the one who got up at 8 a.m. this morning and mowed the lawn and told K to let me sleep in. It was almost like he chose to make the day be more about me.

Of course, we ended the day by me going to his favorite Korean restaurant and picking up the greatest food ever -- and then I made a side trip at the Korean grocer and picked up some Kimchi for him. So, he truly has a good understanding of my appreciation for him. (Seriously, anyone who knows me and how I feel about Kimchi, you know that I must love him for me to actually purchase that pungent stuff and allow it to be in my house.)

I called my dad and wished him a Happy Father's Day as well ... of course the thing that kills me with my parents is that I sort of feel like they always expect a gift from me. Because that was what he asked "what did you get me?" It sort of is annoying, and makes me wonder how they can be like that. But both my parents are this way ... and if they don't get a gift, they probably mumble that I'm ungrateful. It's truly annoying. I will never expect K to get me a gift -- I appreciate the little handcrafted treats they make at school. There's nothing more precious that I could love than those.

So, to all the father's out there - "Happy Father's Day!" May your gift be pure, sweet love from your child.

Aww, Thank You, Mama

K did phenomenally this past week in swimming. He truly passed expectations and put his whole face in the water. Of course, he immediately would look to D and I for our approval and we were the proud parents with our thumbs up and big smiles from ear to ear.

But my favorite was when I was getting him dressed after the lesson. I told him that he was a very good swimmer in class today. He looked at me, tilted his head to the side and said, "Aww, thank you, mama!" It was so unexpected, and so unbelievable adorable. In fact, lately, he has been the model of a polite young man at the old age of three. I don't know what's up, or if D and I just tried to instill in him manners so much that now they come natural to him. But I have to admit, I am very impressed by his un-triggered etiquette.

I often see young kids today, and worry that society is forcing them to grow up so fast. I hope that we are able to ensure that K stays a kid for as long as possible. But now, a very polite and sweet boy, for sure.

Desire, Oh the Forbidden

It's true -- when you can't have something -- you want it even more. It's like that carrot dangling in front of you. Within viewing distance, but just enough out of reach that you keep chasing it like a fool, only to never be fully satisfied.

And of course, this would be when I could quote a familiar Rolling Stones song, but Mick, sometimes you really need what you want. And you still can't have it ... was there a verse about that? Alas, alas, alas. I guess we can always look toward the future and the possibility of being able to get what we really want, if we do our time, stay on the straight and narrow and just focus on the here and now. So, my friends, that is what I will try to do. Stay focused on the here and now and know that what I really want, one day, I will be able to have.

Sweet Simplicity of a Cupcake

There is something so purely divine about making cupcakes with a three-year-old. I don't know if it was his exaggerated excitement when I asked him if he wanted to do it, or his precision on helping put in the appropriate ingredients. But, it was the perfect activity for a rainy Saturday.

My sweet man counted the teaspoons of vanilla and the cups of cocoa like it was the most important job he could ever have. His eyes grew big with wonder as I turned the beater on and mixed everything with love.

Then, tackling the frosting of choice, I read that it needed to chill for two hours before frosting! So, fortunately, K went to take his nap and I got the frosting underway. But in perfect fashion, as soon as he woke up, he announced it and came running downstairs with anticipation. Could he frost the cupcakes now? Of course, and I even allowed him the extra treat of getting to put sprinkles on half of them.

The best part, though, was of course, that he got to devour one once it was all decorated. There's something about watching a little kid dig into a cupcake and just enjoying it with nothing but bliss on their face. It is moments like this that help remind me why we are here. Why we go through some of the ordeals we do. Why in the end, it really is all worth it.

Rain, oh Rain! Where are you?

Okay, I have been waiting patiently for the last two weeks for it to rain. I really would like to give my sprinklers a break, please. In our neighborhood, everyone is obviously competing for golf course-esque lawns. And, frankly, we don't want to keep up with the Joneses on this one. I think we keep coming up with ideas for landscaping that will eventually take up as much of our lawn as humanly possible so that we don't have to mow. Oh, wait, did I saw "we" don't have to mow. If you've read previous blogs, you know that I am the sole lawn mowing person in this household. Yes, I chose to go eco and have a reel lawn mower - resulting in me having to promise to my husband he would not need to mow the lawn ... ever.

At least, today he did get all the edging done. That was a nice treat. I currently have just half the lawn done. I am doing it in bits today due to the dry, hot Minnesota heat. If only it would rain. Rain straight for like a month, I'd be so happy. I like mowing the grass when it is consistently green, and when it's up to us and our sprinklers, most of the lawn gets green ... but there are definitely some brown spots where we forgot to move the sprinkler before we called it quits for a day. Oh ... and due to my lack of watering, the fresh sod that was placed in our front yard due to some work Qwest did, turned all brown and pretty much upped and died. They went through the neighborhood and collected all the dead sod (fortunately, we weren't the only ones) but my question now is ... where in the world is new sod? I don't want major patches of dirt remaining in my lawn. They have until the end of this week. If new sod is not put in ... Qwest will be getting a not so pleasant call from this resident.

And see, if it had just rained (as it had been forecasted) the sod would probably have lived and I wouldn't need to be complaining about my lackluster lawn at the moment. Oh, well, I think it makes me realize moving to Arizona in a place where they don't even have grass wouldn't be such a bad thing.

In Defense of Mothers Everywhere

Okay -- let me just get this out there first -- I do enjoy the show Jon & Kate plus 8. I don't know what's going on in their marriage - but clearly enough to consume the last few covers of my UsWeekly. (clearly it's very slow in celebrity tabloid news) I mostly feel for the kids, because no child deserves to have their parents lambasted in the media like that. But I do have to get something off my chest that has been bothering me lately.

Why must we always blame the mother. I feel like a lot of criticism has been thrown out there about Kate's mother tactics. And what's worse is that there are family and trusted friends who are happily throwing her into the fire. Now, I am going to put aside any judgement on anyone for this ... but it breaks my heart when we have nothing to do but attack mothers who may create crazy rules to keep their premature, sensitive babies safe. Yes, she might have been upset because someone didn't wash their hands in the bathroom but came down to the kitchen to do it ... was it necessary for them to carry germs throughout the home of six small children who had compromised immune systems? And when it comes to other celebrities, it appears that mother is always in the wrong. Denise and Charlie, and Kelly Rutherford and whatever her husbands name is. Both couples divorce while the woman is pregnant with her second child ... and who gets the blame? The mothers.

It feels like our society is turning on women more and more for not being good mothers, for not fulfilling the rest of the world's expectations. Is this fair? A women turns over her body for the care, shelter, food and incubating of another human being for 10 months (do the math - pregnancy is 10 months, not 9) and the thanks she receives is exhaustion, a body she no longer recognizes, bouts of insanity, insecurity and loads of self-doubt. And then to top it off, the rest of the world feels like it's okay to criticize her every move as a mother.

Now mind you, there are some bad mothers out there. The women who locked her daughter up as an infant and basically treated her like an animal until the police discovered the feral child years later. Any parent who beats their child or neglects them. Yes, these are bad parents, but let's not shine the light on parents who maybe don't parent the way we would, but because they are in the public eye we have to hold them to a different standard. One step in a different direction, and you could be in the public eye. How would you feel about your parenting abilities being scrutinized for all the world to see.

UsWeekly please have a none J&K cover next week. Please!

Pure Sweetness

Oh, honey, the most natural sweetener. Liquid gold. Sweet divinity. Last night my tasting club explored the world of honey. And ... well ... it must be said that not all honeys are alike. In fact, I think most of us were surprised with just how different things that are all called honey could smell and taste!

First props to HW the mighty hostess. She maid this scrumptious peach, cheese honey tart. And while I am normally not a fan of peaches -- this was a truly delicious way to kick off the event.

The first honey was the Archer Farms Orange Blossom honey. This mild buttery honey had a bright citrusy burst at the end. It was very smooth and reminded me the most of the honey you enjoyed growing up as a kid. Of course, it was found at Target.

Our second honey - Mountain Honey Manuka (from New Zealand) looked like a yummy gooey caramel. It was thick and gooey and had a sweet floral aroma. The taste ... well, for black licorice fans, this is yours! However, the strong taste of anise did not do me well at all. And apparently, it is a popular choice of honey for medicinal use. The one plus was that it was organic -- but again, not something I think I would eat again. However, some of the tasters who like black licorice truly enjoyed this treat. If your interested, check out Mountain Honey.

Our third honey was the most extravagant of all the honeys. What was presented to us appeared to be a spoonful of molasses. It was very dark and smelled almost earthy to me. The taste - a mix between malt and molasses. I have to be honest, even though it was from a local farm ... I don't know if I'd ever go out of my way for the flavor of buckwheat honey again. My sis was the one who had to find this treat ... and she did traipse all over before she finally found it at a small local co-op. Fortunately the Ames Farm has more than 14 other honeys that I am sure are fabulous! (and when googling for the image of the buckwheat honey, I found a site that raved about it, so maybe it's too refined for my tastes!)

The fourth honey was truly a treat, from a farm just outside of my hometown by the name of Pelucidor Farms. It was sweet and mellow, and the kind of honey you know you'll make a mess all over because it's so liquidy. It was absolutely yummy. And you know it was made just for us, because our friend got a large quantity and poured some into a mason jar.

The next honey was perhaps the groups favorite ... from Williams-Sonoma, it was a French lavender honey. The light gold sweetness melted in your mouth. While just a subtle sweet aroma lingered, it was something you could just slowly savor and not worry about any cares. It was what honey was meant to taste like. Alas, I couldn't find an image of this honey online, but if you have a WS by you and you love honey, you'll definitely want to check this one out. It's in a lovely glass jar with a lavender label.

Our next two honeys were both Kiawe honeys from Hawaii. They were from Molokai Meli. The one was the Kiawe Gourmet and the other was the Premium silky. Both were delightful, more savory than sweet -- which was a great change from some of the over sweetness of the 5 others. Very much like a buttery tea - and they just popped in your mouth. Either one would be good to eat again and again!

The final honey was again from our friends at WS. And what we had anticipated being everyone's favorite. In fact, it had been heard that once you tried this one, you would never get another kind of honey again. The magic gold ... Tupelo. Now, I agree, it was good, but it actually smelled like urine to me ... and I was the only one who it had this effect on. So, it was hard for me to get past this issue. Many people enjoyed it though, but we had others that were much more delightful.

All in all, it was a fantastic evening, but I definitely left on a sugar high with a slight stomach ache. I do have a greater appreciation for the little honey bee and all their hard work. Honey is a precious gift and we should all do what we can to make sure it is a gift not lost to us.

Looking at All the Options

One of my friends who happened to work at the corporate mecca that helps pay my bills is saying farewell to the giant. After much political warfare that I feel is typical of corporate America, she bravely decided she'd had enough and was no longer going to be a slave to the man. Right now, she is my hero. But why she is my hero may not be what you'd first think.

Because she just decided it was time to go, she is leaving without another job waiting at the wings. (She was well prepared for the departure and prepared months in advance, lest you think she was crazy in this decision.) Now ... she has a million options in front of her. The word truly is her banquet waiting for her to pick what she'd like.

At lunch, three of us sat there and talked about all her options. She could go to school (and there were multiple choices there), she could join the Peace Corps, she could move to a different state and being life with a fresh clean slate. It was sort of amazing. While one might think that fear would be your pure state in this situation, instead, she radiated freedom, excitement and potential. Her possibilities are truly limitless.

It made me think more about what I really want to do. Which of course, is write a book. I have a million small ideas in my head and I just need to embrace one and get it out there. I think I may save up my vacation enough to get a month's worth and take a month off and get started. (I'm not too far off from having a month's worth since I've been at the same company for almost a decade.)

I am going to soak in her energy for her life's next chapter and try to infuse my daily choices into it as well. I encourage everyone to embrace the endless possibilities -- my friend has truly taken the very sour lemons that were thrown at her feet and I know she will make divine lemonade out of them.

Three Going on 20

I have to say one of the greatest experiences in my life is just watching my son grow up. It's truly amazing how quickly kids become articulate, sophisticated people. He's barely three and he holds long and engaging conversations. He creates imaginative stories. And he appreciates the most simple pleasures in life. I just can't believe I was like this at that age. The guy is amazing. He puts together a puzzle in a few minutes (and we are talking about 5+ age appropriate puzzles.)

He is, however, very smart and manipulative, too. D and I fully appreciate that we have our hands very full with this one. All he has to do to get his way is look upwards and stick his lower lip out just a bit. He knows we are both suckers for this look and then he usually gets what he wants. We've had to be tougher on each other to help stick to our guns in this whole parenting thing. But knowing that we have each other's support makes it so much easier.

Tonight as I put K to bed, we did our usually routine where we guessed what tomorrow would bring. He has swimming lessons early in the morning and then we'll go grocery shopping (thank goodness it's D's turn to plan this week's menu ... I'm sapped of creativity - it was a grueling week at work!). Tomorrow is special thought because we have the Living Green Expo. So I talked about the Expo with K. I explained it was where he got to try Kefir for the first time. His eyes lit up. "Will I get something tomorrow?" I replied that I didn't know, we'd have to see what was there and how well he behaved. "Could I get a shirt?" (I don't quite get his obsession with shirts, but he likes getting new shirts.) I replied again that I didn't know and couldn't promise. "Maybe I could get a toy?" He said with a huge dimply, cheesy grin. I laughed and said "we'll see."

I warned D that the young man was already plotting his moves for tomorrow.

The Boogie Man is Alive and Well

Today was one of those days. You know ... the kind that you end up capping off with two glasses of wine ... because, frankly, one just isn't enough. The revelation that ended in my lap at the end of it all is that people really don't know what they want. And even the smartest people think that by putting a new coat of paint on a wall, you might hide the fact that there is a mold problem festering. At least, that's what I encountered. Where I work, we really encourage employees to provide feedback. It's our culture, just part of our DNA and who we are. (Ha -- now there is some corporate speak.) Anyhow, basically employees know that they can share opinions and are pretty open and willing to do so. The issue is that we just haven't done the best job sharing what we do with that feedback. So, you'd think we'd put more efforts around sharing that story. Because, if I keep sharing my opinion but nothing happens ... eventually I will stop sharing my opinion. Alas, we are putting all are time and energy toward the front end and to ensure people are telling us there opinions. It doesn't make sense to me. But clearly, I must be the only one not getting it.

Therefore, I feel like my own personal boogie man has chosen to enter my life. Dance around me all day and creep into my skin. It was my best not to scream out loud today. I just don't get it. Is every company with more than 50 employees like this? Does anyone truly love their job in the land of neutral cubicles and off-temperatures? Probably not, otherwise movies like Office Space and shows like The Office probably wouldn't be as popular as they are. No, the reason that people like these shows is that they resonate to the full essence. While we think they are exaggerations of reality, the truth is that they are exact replicas.

I thought I had become a heartless corporate zombie, but today made me realize, I'm not heartless, I've just gotten really close to surrendering in the battle. The white flag is not quite raised, but I'm soaking it in Clorox so that when I'm ready to raise it -- it will be bright and signal the end.

I know two people who are saying their farewells in the next month to their benefactor de corporate-o. I am full of admiration for their bravery, their courage and their chutzpah. I'm not quite ready -- I need to have a fully thought out back-up plan before I can raise the white flag. But I fear that when I'm ready, it will be a sea of white for a smug and unsuspecting group. I hope - for their sakes - that I am terribly wrong.

Chocolate Revelations

Last night was another installment of the Ladies Tasting Club. This month's adventure centered around chocolate. Yes, can you believe we had an excuse to have chocolate as dinner? It was divine. The evening started out with a lovely spread of delicious appetizers - yummy blue cheese, bacony filled dates and this cheesy, walnutty, balsamic vinaigretty bruschetta. That was heavenly enough. (Yes, GF -- you are a divine hostess, chef-in-the-making! You always have yummy goods!)

After the delish appetizers, everyone settled with the wine of their choice. I selected a humble cab -- I'm partial to reds, but a good white on a hot day, I'll do. On this chilly spring night, knowing my fare, it was a bold red that I was seeking for my companion.

The first piece of divinity: Cote d'or Belgian Chocolate - Belgian Dark Chocolate "Noir de Noir" 56% Cocoa. Talk about starting the evening off right. This chocolate was the perfect balance of sweet and bitter. It melted in my mouth like a piece of satin gliding over my tongue. The best part ... it had a long finish that truly allowed you to savor every piece of it's perfection. It really is something that you could reward yourself with after a long week of pain and stress. And with it being at the peak of richness, a small indulgence was more than satisfying it.

The second chocolaty experience proved that the night was going to introduce to a wide range of experiences. El Rey “Gran Saman” Venezuelan, single origin, 70% cacao. This chocolate was dull in experience and much drier than its predecessor. Its aroma and taste were reminiscent of a potato cellar, there was just something a little more stale about it. It was mild for being 70% cacao and had a much shorter finish. It wasn't bad (let's be honest, really none of them were bad.) just very different than the smooth creamy Belgian. In fact, one taster thought it was really a divine piece of chocolate.

Our third endeavor was the Kallari, organic, single source origin, 75% cacao bar from Ecuador. This was a very dark chocolate that reminded me of burnt marshmallows and was extremely bitter. However, the texture was smooth and it melted in my mouth like butter. It was also the most acidic of the chocolates, but definitely something a true dark chocolate lover would want to add to their list of future purchases.

Hopping to another continent, we next experienced Green & Black's, 70% cacao bar. This -originally English - company's fares can be found everyone, including your local Target. Now owned by Cadbury, they are a way to help provide delicious organic chocolate options to a broader scope. I found the bar fruity, with hints of raspberry, smooth, with just a hint of chalkiness and a short finish. Something for people who might be hesitant to try dark chocolate might want to start slowly on this one.

The next bar smelled of burnt rubber, but melted like butter as soon as you picked it up. The texture was unlike any thing else we had that night, the creamiest of peanut butters -- meaning absolutely sticking to your teeth and gums. The Endangered Species, Extreme Dark Chocolate, 88% Cacao, bar was unlike any other for the evening. Now, here's a secret -- this is the chocolate I use to make chocolate covered strawberries. So my tasting group had actually had it before, but none of them would have realized it. It's the perfect amount of bitterness to cut a sweet, juicy ripe strawberry to make a most decadent dessert.

Our next treat was a Scharffen Berger Bittersweet Chocolate Bar, American, cuvee, 70% cacao. This American bar was actually very sweet, considering the cacao level, with a hint of vanilla. Truly a divine treat that I would purchase again. It was like the best cup of hot chocolate melting in your mouth. And the packaging (while this picture doesn't do it justice) was actually pretty where you could use this yummy bar as a gift and feel quite pleased that you are gifting a really worthy gift.

The final chocolate treat of the evening was Michel Cluizel “1st cru de plantation “Maralumi” dark chocolate bar, French, single plantation, 64% cacao. So, personally, I just like saying Maralumi -- it sounds pretty. And fortunately, this chocolate didn't disappoint. But again, very different than the rest. This had a lively, citrusy, almost bright and vibrant taste to it. Something you'd have in the morning to pick you up and get you set right for the rest of the day. Apparently, the French don't only know cheese and wine, they know chocolate, too.

All-in-all, chocolate can be one's dinner for a night -- just don't feel guilty the next day! And I must say, I think I did have a bit of a chocolate hangover because the bright sun was brutal when I slipped off my sleep mask in the morning. But ... it was definitely worth it!

Sick-o

Being sick really puts things in perspective. Either that or it just lowers my tolerance for annoyance. I have found the littlest things are annoying me even more today, perhaps that's why you shouldn't work when you are sick. Even though I am at home, creating a haven as comfortable as possible to accommodate my ailments ... I'm still being particularly annoyed ...

When the Economy Turns

I am constantly wondering how things will change when the economy turns back on the right side of the quarter. The media would have us believe that Americans are learning from their past mistakes and we'll all be much smarter, responsible consumers when it comes back around. That we won't live above our means, that we'll think twice before indulging in non-necessities. But I don't know ... will we really learn? Hasn't this country been through this before? Clearly part of evolution in America was not passing on the lessons learned. In fact, it seems that people over compensate for what they didn't have when they were younger.

The lessons clearly are not learned in our neighborhood -- we've seen two houses fall to foreclosure (fortunately, both are now re-occupied, but at a much nicer price than we paid. And true one went at about 50% off but the people had a lot of work to bring it back up to good condition, the previous owners took everything they could ... so sad.) There are more houses popping up for sale and it makes me sad. They are selling for less than we'd want them to. It does mean, we'll be living here longer than we initially thought, because we'll have to wait for the market to go back up. We're okay with this ... our house has a lot of potential and more than enough room for our family ... but we just have to hope the rest of the neighborhood can stay strong and maintain themselves. We think that it will ... but you just don't know who overextended themselves to get in their houses. It's sad when you think about it. Shouldn't we all have protected ourselves from this tragedy?

The other thing about the economy is the job market. It will be interesting to see what jobs spring back to future wealth when the economy returns. Will agencies and freelancers be the wealthy folks they once were? Will skilled workers like electricians, woodworkers and builders return to their previous full engagements and be busy. You can only hope that everyone will find happiness through all of this turmoil. Whether it be financial, spiritual or physical happiness. I hope everyone finds some contentment.

Dead Inside?

This humble week, both K and I turned another year older. Of course, it's much more exciting to see him turn 3 than for me to turn 31, so I relished in his excitement. He actually demanded (albeit nicely) that I sing Happy Birthday to him on Tuesday morning when I went to wake him up. It was hilarious, enjoyable and made me relish the true happiness of life. Which brings me to this entry's point and title.

This was a big week for everyone's performance reviews at the corporate dwelling I call work. Unfortunately, I was present and/or heard about quite a few performance reviews that did not go well. Many people received lower than expected scores. Now, part of this can be attributed to the fact that maybe lower scores helped ensure lower increases across the board -- but let's just say I had the unfortunate duty of consoling at least three different tear-ups.

Now, here's where I stand. I get up every morning, do my job (and do it well, I think) and then I get on the bus at night and I try to leave it all behind me. I have learned over the past nine years to no longer take it personal. It's just a job. True, the job affords me to do all the things I want in life, but in the grand scheme of things, you cannot let it eat you up and tear you down. I've been there, I let it happen. And like the Phoenix, from the ashes I rose up smarter, and perhaps a little icier inside. I witnessed officers who seeked out pleasure from making others miserable, and considered it icing on the cake if they could make someone cry. My response. Defiance -- I will not let them make me cry. So, perhaps, when it comes to corporate America, I have become a little dead inside. If so, I consider due to my experience and that as long as I do a good job during the day, it's not worth bothering myself when I'm away from work to get "worked up" about it.

Of course, I do sometimes put in long hours, work on the weekends, but I look at it as the little extra to ensure security and what helps make sure I can pay the bills. But I have learned to prioritize and make sure that family will come first. If that means I take a day off so I can take my son to his annual check-up -- then so be it. I also always take at least one day off a month just for myself ... a crucial trick to ensuring mental health.

Yes, I was a counselor most of this week, helping people try to understand how I have managed to stay at one place for almost nine years and how I can still look at myself in the mirror each day. It's not always easy, but the rewards can be worth it.

Farewell 30

Today is my last humble day at 30. I've never been one to make a big deal out of birthday's. They tend to be pretty uneventful for me. I usually fly under the radar and don't make a big deal about it.

And, let's be honest, turning 31 is not really a big deal in and of itself. But ... it does feel significantly older than turning 30. I'm not "over 30". Blech. While, I still feel tremendously young and more like that of a 25-year-old, I have to wonder if this is the final bridge into that crazy thing called adulthood. As in, I can no longer excuse my inexperience, lack of confidence and sweet naivete to being young.

Perhaps it doesn't help that many consider me to harbor an old soul, so even when I was really just 25, people thought I was probably 30. Oh, well. Tomorrow I will wake up, go to work and plug along in the corporate mecca like I do every day. Nothing new. But perhaps, I can challenge myself to maybe, just maybe, at least get the first paragraph written of the book that keep telling myself I need to write. That will be my goal ... to get that done (at least) before I turn 40.

Wine and Stinky Cheese

This year, my wine club has evolved into a tasting club. It's a way of getting to enjoy a variety of other yummy things besides wine. But of course, we kicked off the year with wine -- because we knew how to do that.

This month, however, was another fine delicacy ... cheese! I think I begin to salivate just thinking about it. It was my turn to host, so I first had to venture off to get the yummy cheeses. I went to a little cheese shop called France 44. It's a cute little shop attached to a large wine store. Which was good, because I needed to pick up a bottle of wine, too. (Of course, I left with three ...)

We started off with glasses of Saint-Hilaire blanc de blancs and two-pepper cheddar croutes. A yummy little cheddar-type cracker I made with my own two hands. Absolutely delicious. Truth be told, I probably had a few too many before the party started.

The first official cheese was the Camembert au Calvados. It sort of smelled like cabbage, but was a soft creamy cheese with apple-y notes. I must confess, I was the only one who did not enjoy this cheese. Everyone else loved it and some even declared it their favorite at the end of the night. But, it did pair very lovely with the blanc de blancs.

We then moved on to a lively Sancerre (La Croix au Garde, 2006) for the next two cheeses. If you've never had Sancerre, I highly recommend it. It's like the finest sauvingon blanc you'll ever drink.

The first was the Montgomery Farmhouse Cheddar. A sweet cow's cheese. Now this was a lovely cheese for me. While it's aroma was faint, it tasted of the countryside in England where it was made with loving care. I could have eaten a whole block of this. (Mind you, it's price tag and scarcity will help prevent that.)

The next cheese was our only goat cheese. The Valencay Cendre from France. This was a pyramid of moldy goodness. The cheese monger suggested I let this sit out for a bit and let it get all gooey and have people just spoon it out. It wasn't as sweet as domestic goat cheeses ... but it was pure perfection for me. You just wanted to steer clear of the moldy rind.

The next fromages were paired with a chardonnay. We had the Rex-Goliath, which was not oaky or overly buttery, but paired well with the next two items.

The next piece of heavenly goodness was the Cahill Irish Porter Cheddar. This Irish beauty might be intimidating by looks, but I say go for it. It actually tastes like chocolate! Definitely one you could eat on it's own, but the subtle chocolatiness made the chard even a little brighter.

Ahhh... the next cheese was by far my favorite, a beautiful Aged Pecorino Toscano from Italy. These sheep's milk cheese was the highest in fat content (50% fat!) but worth every tiny morsel. It was definitely my favorite of the evening. It's a nutty hard cheese that when drizzled with the balsamic reduction ... if you closed your eyes you could pretend you were in Tuscany and all your cares disappeared. I do think it may be the perfect cheese for me.

Closing out the night, we opened a bottle of Sauternes. This yummy dessert wine was a tad to sweet for some, but paired beautiful with the next little creation.

A very strong blue cheese. The Sweet Grass Dairy Crossroads Blue. This lovely cow's cheese hails from a small dairy in Georgia. This is not your Kraft's dressing blue cheese. This is a true blue cheese, where a little goes more than a long way. Perhaps my second favorite of the evening, it also was highlighted with a little balsamic.

Alas, we did not end the evening on a high note. Based on my internet research, I knew we needed to eat the last cheese at the end. It's pungent smell had made my kitchen a danger zone for the last 24 hours, but letting it air out before the party helped some of the aroma dissipate. The cheese monger actually told me he thought this might be the crowd's favorite. Unfortunately ... he was very wrong. The Cato Corner Hooligan was by far the ladies' least favorite cheese of the evening. Now, online reviews raved about this cheese ... and I have to admit, it did taste good at the cheese shop ... but perhaps I was drunken by all the cheese. It tasted good with my rosemary cracker, but I think that is because the rosemary cracker was divinity on it's own and helped mask the pungency of the cheese.

Oh, well, all in all, it was a yummy evening with great cheese and heavenly wine and good conversation. Next month is chocolate ... and I can't wait!

March Madness

And so it has begun. The madness of March. College basketball at its finest. D doesn't watch basketball of any sort all year long, but come the office pool and I must hunch over his bracket worksheet to help him select the winners.

It's kind of funny. Because I attended a Big Ten school, that had both a kick-ass men's and women's team, I used to be really into basketball. But then I married a guy who had no interest in the sport and eventually my own enthusiasm waned. Now, I'm here in the office and he's out watching the basketball games.

Of course, I think it's my expertise at guessing that has helped him fair well so far in the pool -- but he's the one who carries the enthusiasm. Most importantly, my alma mater won its first round game. Now, I will just hold my breath to see how well they do the rest of the tournament.

My junior year, our women's team won their tournament. It was a marvelous night of riots, school spirit and unity. The students poured onto the street sing the school song, congratulating each other (did it matter that, really, we had no part in the actual win of the game?) and knowing that the next day classes would only be consumed with talks of the great game.

It is an experience you hope that all people get to have at least once. That unified, jubilant experience of team success.