Me and Patrick Swayze

Since Monday, I've had this terrible pain in my upper right abdomen. It's come and gone, but always returns and is now starting to have a burning sensation - so I scheduled an appointment with my regular doctor - but then went to urgent care today. The diagnosis -- they don't know! So, I'm still stuck going to the doctor tomorrow. Of course, anyone who knows me knows I tend to think of the worst possible circumstances -- so right now -- and my sister is probably rolling out the ground if she's reading this -- but of course I'm convinced that I'm probably dying of pancreatic cancer or some terrible terrible disease. Of course, IM'ing my mother - she gives me her own medical diagnosis that it's probably scar tissue from when I had my gall bladder removed adhering my organs together! Lordy be, and you wonder where I get it?!

Why oh why - three days before a milestone birthday do I have to come down with some potentially horrific ailment? Well, my dear travelin' friends. I'll keep you updated. If I don't, then you know the worse has come true and I've run off to join Patrick Swayze and his support group.

Nothing Like Sweet Music

There's nothing like sweet music to get you tap ... tap ... tappin' your feet. I've been debating the great decision of whether or not to get an iPod - yes, it's hard to believe, but I have yet to actually own one. Now, I've bought one as a gift for my mother -- so it's not like I have an issue parting with the huge chunk of change that these small devices cost. I just am having issues justifying purchasing it for myself. I'm addicted to music, but since I've also lately become addicted to MPR and Talk Radio - I am way behind the times of music -- and I'm afraid I'd spend a small fortune on iTunes trying to catch up with all the great music I've probably left behind. It's trite -- this I realize, but I can't help myself.

The Independence of a Toddler

I've made a parental observation, that only time will tell me is accurate. I believe we are all born with a set amount of independence. Depending on how that independence is cultivate it can grow or it can fade away. Now when I say a set amount of independence, I don't mean that every human being is granted the same amount at birth -- it's just that you're given your quota at the beginning.

I think that my very independent toddler has unearthed this theory. If he knows he is capable of achieving a task, then by no means can you assist. If he's not sure, then you must absolutely let him try first. If he wants to carry the grocery bag up the stairs (even though it weighs at least half his body weight) I must let him at least thing he is doing it... fortunately the bag is big enough, he doesn't realize I'm carrying it from underneath.

The other night at dinner, enjoying what I call the fastest dinner imaginable (soup and bread) he wanted to demonstrate his vast culinary abilities. He proceeded to mash his bread in his soup bowl and then sprinkle it with his milk. Then, very enthusiastically I must say, he took his tiny toddler spoon and began to mix the concoction, screaming in delight "I cook mama, I cook!" The icing on the cake was that he then ate his new dinner with pride and joy because he had created it. If he grows up to be a great culinary celebrity, may he love his mama like they do!

Out of Print

This happens to me frequently. I find a magazine, become loyal, begin to anticipate each new issue like a child waits for the ice cream truck in August and ... then for some reason they cease publication. It's so sad, as they have been -- for the most part -- quality publications!

My first reading love affair was with the stylish artsy parent magazine Violet. It was beautiful -- and really a magazine I enjoyed more for the pictures. The articles were decent and the features from rockers and Hollywood's obscure on the reality of parenting were enjoyable ...

After only a few delicious issues, Violet bid farewell leaving a void in my life.

The next magazine that slowly exited out of my life was one that I had been loyal to much longer. Organic Style. Now, I'm not quite sure from a chronological standpoint if OS left my life before Violet or right after -- 2005 was a bad year for my literary hunger.

OS started out as more of a die-hard green-living guidance rag ... it slowly morphed into a celebrity, fashion-filled "green" piece. Not as much substance as it had to begin with. But I had such a hefty subscription that I had to select another magazine (I could've gotten my money back, but I'm a magazine addict - so that seemed foolish!)

This leads me to the latest departure ... one I am truly devastated about as it allowed me to indulge in my Martha Stewart-ness, but still come across as somewhat hip. Blueprint will no longer be published. Oh, a little tear left my eye when I discovered this horrible fate.

The only comfort I can find right now is that the Blueprint blog Bluelines will carry one where the print pub cannot. Of course, they are going to relaunch in a month or so, but I can't wait... Of course it's one more blog I'll need to monitor, but perhaps it will satisfy my need.

-- of course don't think I'm at a loss for magazines, I still currently read: Fortune, Newsweek, US Weekly, Parents, Women's Health, Cookie and a few others that catch my eye from time to time.

A Month to Thirty

I'll turn thirty in a month -- which means I've had quite a few friends turn thirty already and a few still on their way to the "milestone" birthday. So, I thought it might be a good time to reflect on what advice I'd give to my younger self if I were able to write her a letter:

Kindness is the essence of finding true peace. This doesn't mean turning into a doormat or becoming a pushover of unscaleable reality, it does mean to stop and think before you allow a laser tongue to release things it can never take back. Be careful of the minds and hearts you trample on, play with like clay or even just momentarily ponder exploring.

Don't take yourself too seriously. This, too, shall pass. Remember these words and you will be able to get through anything - tomorrow is a new day, a clean slate, a fresh start. You always have the opportunity to start over, begin again. This, too, shall pass. Enjoy all that life has to offer you -- the good and the bad.

Everything happens for a reason. Each experience will enrich you in some format - each experience will help you grow. Laugh. Laugh a lot -- don't worry, when you find your life partner you will laugh lots. Embrace things you are scared of, you will find that even those things will enrich your every day.

Be present. The minutes go by so fast, and as you watch your son grow, you will truly comprehend the saying that time flies, minutes are like sand in an hour glass, and every other silly cliche about the passage of time.

Give to the world all that you have to give. Don't ask for anything in return and you shall see all the joy present inside of you and others and you will experience bliss.

Laugh. Laugh a lot.