Politics are in the Air

The Republican National Convention is taking place here in Minnesota this coming week (Sept. 1 - 4). The Twin Cities metro area has already begun to buzz with activity. This morning, I took K to Civic Fest at the Minneapolis Convention Center. I want my son to get as many experiences as he can. Of course, will the 2-year-old bundle of energy remember any of it. Of course not, but a few years down the road when we look at the photo of him sitting in the replica oval office, or waving in front of Air Force One, he'll laugh and enjoy it. As I was driving to the convention center ... I couldn't believe all the police cars that lined the streets of Minneapolis. It forebode of the coming week's doom and gloom of being the center of attention. But ... the RNC is actually in St. Paul ... yet all the parties and entertainment will be happening in Minneapolis. Poor St. Paul ... even when the main event is in your domain, Minneapolis gets all the glamor and attention.

Now, I'm not usually one to reprint something ... but I just had to share this hilarious article that was in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune today to help all of the national visitors acclimate to Minnesota. Enjoy! (My editorial comments will be in italics.)

Dear conventioneers: As you make your way through this strange, foreign territory known as the Land of 10,000 Lakes, here are some pointers to help you get your feet wet.
Compiled by Kristin Tillotson, Star Tribune

Driving and taxis
• "Uptown Minneapolis" is south of downtown. And a pain in the arse to drive in. I know ... I did it today.
• Most traffic lights are on the corner curbs, not overhead in the middle of the street. And some are placed in such a way that you don't know what color they are until you're practically on top of them!
• Don't take the directional indications of "35W" and "35E" too seriously. And pay attention to the next note of importance:
• Minnesotans are notorious for not knowing how to merge onto freeways, finally heaving the car into your lane at the last minute while going 25 miles an hour. We brake for on-ramps -- if not for pedestrians. This one is SO true, it's ridiculous. It's so hard not to curse when people are merging into your lanes ... but I must remember I have a toddler in the car.
• No honking! Around here, laying on your horn is the equivalent to deliberately rear-ending someone. And I always thought I didn't honk because I have slow reflexes ... guess it's more than that.
• "The Crosstown" means Hwy. 62, which goes east-west on the southern border of Minneapolis and is a common airport route.
• Taxi tips: You can't hail a cab from the street. You have to go to a designated taxi stand. During the convention, some of those stands may be closed or moved. Some cabs have glowing lights hard-wired on top. This does not mean they are available. This is really annoying ... when I was pregnant and thought my water broke and had to take a cab to the hospital ... yeah ... not fun trying to figure out where I had to go to just pick up the damn cab.

Notorious landmarks not worth the effort
• Mary Tyler Moore house. It's a private residence and has changed too much. Never been.
• Larry Craig bathroom stall at the airport. Really, what do you expect to see? Never been either ... oh that's right ... it's in the men's restroom.

The rivalry between the Twin Cities
• Never, ever refer to St. Paul as Minneapolis. Duh. The reverse never happens, so no worries there.
• St. Paulites say: Minneapolis is where we play, but St. Paul is where we live. Minneapolitans say: Minneapolis is where we live and play. St. Paul is ... someplace in Wisconsin? St. Paul is a lovely city -- the Science Museum, the Children's Museum, the Caves ... and some of the cutest neighborhoods around ... and fanciest ... just drive down Summit Ave.
• People from Minneapolis find navigating St Paul to be difficult. People from St Paul just don't believe in navigating Minneapolis. Ah, I hate driving in both!

Eating and drinking
• Soda is "pop." This one's not true in my house. We call it soda.
• Seltzer is "soda water." Again, it's seltzer for us.
• Casserole is "hot dish." And both are pretty darn gross.
• Bars are places to drink, also 50 percent of desserts made in Minnesota are bars (lemon bars, pumpkin bars, etc.). MMM... pumpkin bars!
• Do try: Wild rice, walleye and lefse (thin Scandinavian potato pancakes rolled with sugar and butter).
• Try at your own risk: lutefisk, smelly whitefish cured in lye.

Minnesota expressions
• Yep. You bet.
• "Oh, fer," as in "Oh, fer nice!" or "Oh, fer gosh sakes!"
• "Ish" = "ick" or "gross."
• "Not too bad" = Amazingly great! not to be confused with ... So TRUE!
• "It's not that bad,'' the stock answer to any question about living here.
• DFL stands for the Democratic Farmer Labor party.
• You want to come with?
• A "hockey haircut" is a mullet. Even our governor used to have one. And every guy in my 8th grade to senior year had one... Ish!
• Can you borrow me five bucks?
• Schmoozing: In Minnesota, this means brown-nosing, not just chatting (we're suspicious of extroverts).
• "We'll be up at the lake" or "the cabin." Like there's only one. And it's always "the cabin," even when it's a house.
• "Up North" is anywhere north of the Twin Cities, but "the North Shore" is along Lake Superior between Duluth and the Canadian border.
• "The Cities" is the Twin Cities metropolitan area to anyone who lives outside of it. And is so anoying to those who live in the metro area ...

Safe conversation starters
• Whatcha driving these days?
• Crop art (artwork made from nothing but seeds and other plant parts -- now showing at the Minnesota State Fair).
• The weather. (No, it won't snow while you're here. Uh, well, at least it shouldn't.)
• Hating the Packers.
• When you're going to close down the cabin, up at the lake (or at least take in the dock).
• The eighth wonder of the world, skyways (those elevated downtown sidewalks).

Risky conversation starters
• Anything money-related.
• Bridge safety.
• Loving the Vikings.
• Northwest Airlines becoming Delta.
• Ethanol.
• Garrison Keillor's latest column.
• Prince vs. Dylan.
• Outdoor vs. indoor baseball stadiums.

Pronunciation guide
Edina: Ee-DINE-ah
Wayzata: Why-ZET-ta
Shakopee: SHOCK-a-pee
Nicollet Av.: NICK-o-lett
Roof: Vowel sound as in "look"

Social customs
• Start saying goodbye at least 15 minutes before you really have to leave. Again so true and so annoying.
• Replying to an RSVP request is considered an optional courtesy. This is one of my biggest pet peeves... it's not option and it's just plain rude!
• When in doubt, be indirect.
• Be prepared to face passive aggression around every corner. If a Minnesotan tells you something is "interesting" or "different," you can be sure you've been insulted.

The End of Summer

It is often said in Minnesota that the end of summer is signaled by one event. It's an event where tens of thousands come from near and far. Where it's acceptable to have greasy hair, stained clothing, and animal poo on your shoe. (Well ... acceptable may not be the right word, but all three are frequent sightings.) I enjoy the fair for a number of reasons: the people watching ... the one time of year I eat honey ice ... the crazy vendors every where ... and did I mention the people watching.

Now, my darling husband does not like crowds (or throngs of idiot people -- as he'd tell). But he humors me by going once a year to this festivity. Or goal is to get their early so that we can try to avoid at least some of the crowds. But this year -- I don't know what happened. We go there at 9:30 and the crowds were already there!! (It doesn't really open until 9, so we thought we'd have at least a little time!)

Our first plan of action was to get the animal barns out of the way. K enjoys goats and horses, but we're not much fond of the stink that the buildings take on. So we figured that by going early, we might be better off. We we're half right. They barns were full of stench, but a little less crowded than they would be by later in the day.

Next on our mission was to try to get K a few rides (food tally at this point: yogurt for K; breakfast burrito and coffee for D; milk for me). On our way to the rides, we encountered the Grandstand and again thought it best to tour this building before it got too late (and hot) in the day. (food update: mini-donuts for all) Then it was on to the carousel. At first K was all ready to go. But the carousel jerked after the first rotation and he immediately turned and gripped on to me for dear life. The rest of the ride was a great ab workout for me, because I had to go up and down with the horse. The crazy thing was that afterwards, he asked to do it again. We then saw the giant slide. After practically getting vertigo climbing up the stairs. K and I went down the slide. Now, of course, because he was in my lap, I felt his pulse quicken and his body tense. D says from an outsiders perspective he looked like he enjoyed it. I knew it was not the case. (Oh, if you're wondering why I got to do all the rides ... it's because D has a weak stomach when it comes to rides ... apparently, so does my son.)

After the rides, we toured some of the buildings and K eventually fell asleep in his stroller. (food update: one gigantic corn dog and lemonade for K and D -- I had some of the lemonade) While K slept we went into the Horticulture building and I went to the Minnesota Wine exhibit. I tried a flight of three different ones. First -- they gave you way to much ... I just wanted a tasting ... an ounce would have done just fine ... Second -- I hate to say it, but Minnesota wine has not won me over ... I think we still have some perfecting to do. The one which was a Sogn Blanc was pretty good. Daniel liked the Zeitgeist... but then I had a plum one ... it was pure disgusting. Oh, well.

K woke up and we went to the honey exhibit and got our must-have treat of honey ice cream. It was splendid. And a good way to end the day. We watched the daily parade and then slowly made our way back to the bus stop.

Of course D and I got sunburned, didn't eat as much as we thought we did, but it was an enjoyable day and a nice way to end summer. Now ... on to my favorite season. YAY AUTUMN!!

The Joy in Manners

There is this amazing sense of accomplishment when your child says, "excuse me," "please," and "thank you" unprompted. K is only two, but always says these things so appropriately. He even will remember to say "welcome" after you say "thank you." It's small joys like these that make you feel like your at least doing something right as a parent. Bringing up a polite child in a rude world is no easy feat. Of course, by modeling this behavior, D and I have probably become a little more polite in our worlds, too.

One other joyous accolade, he loves brushing his teeth. Now, of course, there is a very important reason why he has asked three times today already if he can brush his teeth (when he first woke up, after breakfast, and after lunch.) He has a new toothbrush, but not just any toothbrush. It's one of those that plays music for the duration of how long you should be brushing your teeth. It is the greatest invention EVER! Because, he now loves brushing his teeth. He used to hate it and you had to help him brush and make him do a good job. Now he stands there for two whole minutes, brushing all of his teeth. You still have to spot check to make sure there's nothing left behind ... but thank you toothbrush manufacturer!

Just Another Day at the Office

Today was a special day at work. It's the day we gather all our key executives, share vision and strategy for the upcoming year and recognize outstanding performances. It means eight hours in an auditorium listening to speeches (which I should take credit on supporting two of them) and then being surprised and delighted with entertainment sprinkled throughout.

So, the meeting was kicked off with a little extreme sports action, including Shaun White, Matt Hoffman and a few other Xtremist athletes. It was very cool. Much cooler than I would normally admit. As they did their flips in the air, you heard the collective breathe-holding and the release when they safely landed. My colleague next to me asked me what I would do if K decided he wanted to become an extreme athlete -- I just smiled and nodded.

The next sparkle of entertainment was none other than the mystical tenor of Josh Groban. While it was not the most upbeat of performances, and he did sing Paul Simon's "America" which seemed a little outdated with all it's references of cigarettes ... it was a beautiful performance. He spoke a few kind words and received great amounts of applause.

The next performer received an even louder sound of appreciation from the audience. The talented, sultry John Legend. I have to say, he's a very beautiful man, with delicate features and a voice like velvet. Smooth as chocolate melting in your mouth. He sang a song that will be on his new album -- and it sold me as something I might need to go get. (Perhaps one day I will get an iPOD!)

Of course, the applause was deafening for the third act ... none other than the Jonas Brothers. Is it wrong to think their wholesome music, catchy beats and innocent smiles are actually good. I'm sure to some who think there above a good pop melody will say so. But you know what, it made me want to dance, so I don't care. I even got my co-worker to clap along to one of their songs. Of course, as any act, the masses couldn't stay on beat, so we graciously quit clapping when we knew it had gone astray.

The finale to the day was none other than divalicious Christina Aguilera. The girl can dance and still provide one of the top vocal performances I've ever heard. She was astounding ... and little Max even got to enjoy his mama's show. She also previewed a song from her upcoming album ... she's back and sounding better than ever.

So, all in all, it was just another day at the office (at least the first part of the day.) Now, I'm ready for the weather to start cooling off and my favorite season to arrive. But more about that in a future entry.

Presenting ...

This morning I got to sleep in a little. But ... that's only because I so graciously agreed to present an overview of my department at our northern campus. Which is nice, because it's less than a 15 minute drive from my house. Now, it's kind of funny that I was presenting to a department meeting of 100+ people. I remember when I first started out, and we'd attend department meetings and have guest speakers. Now, I've become one of those guest speakers. It was a little surreal. Of course, I don't think I knocked anyone's socks off with my 20 minute spiel, but it was good to wipe of my old dusty presenting cobwebs and have to speak on my feet for a bit.

Of course, I wasn't prepared for the whole ordeal from a technical standpoint. Due to the departments having team members in our Bangalore office, I had to put on a special microphone, and make sure I stayed standing on an X the whole time so that I was always in the camera. They handed me a mic initially for the rest of the room, but there was no way I could use a mic and a clicker to advance my slides ... I like to gesture way too much! So I had to talk slightly louder than normal, but it was okay. Because through it all, I just remembered what one of my good friends told me:

"No one's really listening to you anyway!"

It's so true, so you have to know how to interject and throw in a few laughs, but then stay serious, too. Alas, it's over, and I'm sure I will get called up to do another one sometime in the near future now that I agreed to do this one. Who knows, maybe I should charge a speaker fee?

The Littlest Creatures

Lately, I've been asking myself some religious-based questions. Most recently it's been -- so why did Noah take the mosquitoes and the mice on the ark? I guess I understand the whole equality, every animal gets it chance... but how did he not smack the mosquitoes ... and how did his wife not convince him to banish the mice?

I guess I should be upfront and explain that I just do not do well with vermin or bugs - of any kind. Earlier this spring, I found a dead rabbit in our backyard. It was completely rigamortis, but I couldn't touch it. I yelled at D and explained that he needed to dispose of it. Of course, I had to explain to him that I felt it was one of those special duties that come with the job description of a husband. Then later, I found a dead mouse in our basement, and again had to explain why I was incapable of putting it to rest and that D was ultimately responsible.

Well... this morning (you knew I was going somewhere with this) I was greeted as I entered my garage by one of Mickey's country cousins. The little rodent scurried across my garage. I realize it was more frightened by me and the sudden light that spilled into the garage. I also realize I'm like 1500 times the size of the creature. But in a face off -- the mouse would win.

Of course, D doesn't get this. He thinks I should think that mice are cute, adorable, friendly Disney-like creatures. That's why rodent-control is in his job description as husband and not mine. Because frankly, they will never look like this to me:

Brilliance

I am sure that most every parent thinks their child is brilliant. And your heart explodes with love at the simplest things. This morning as I was driving K to "school" (because that is what you must call daycare these days ...) I pointed out the car window to two rabbits and said "Look, a bunny." My two-year-old quickly corrected me and said, "Mommy, two rabbits." I was so excited because a) he knows two when he sees it, and b) he decided to correct me and call them rabbits (they clearly weren't bunnies any more.)

When I picked him up in the afternoon, he wanted to sing his ABCs and I would say he got almost 75% of it down beautiful. But perhaps the most impressive lately is his amazing dialogue. Oh, I think parents long for those days when their child is still immobile for when they can tell you exactly what they want. It's a blessing. Of course, I occasionally have to deal with a little sassafras and defiance, but there is nothing more delightful than having an earnest conversation with a toddler.

His smile breaks me the most joy, but his laugh knocks me out of the world. He's just so enjoyable. I think D and I look at him every day and are still in shock that we are responsible for bringing such a miracle to life. You want just the best for them, and I completely get how parents have sacrificed their lives for their children. It's the most noble gift you could give them if you needed to.