I want my son to get as many experiences as he can. Of course, will the 2-year-old bundle of energy remember any of it. Of course not, but a few years down the road when we look at the photo of him sitting in the replica oval office, or waving in front of Air Force One, he'll laugh and enjoy it. As I was driving to the convention center ... I couldn't believe all the police cars that lined the streets of Minneapolis. It forebode of the coming week's doom and gloom of being the center of attention. But ... the RNC is actually in St. Paul ... yet all the parties and entertainment will be happening in Minneapolis. Poor St. Paul ... even when the main event is in your domain, Minneapolis gets all the glamor and attention.Now, I'm not usually one to reprint something ... but I just had to share this hilarious article that was in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune today to help all of the national visitors acclimate to Minnesota. Enjoy! (My editorial comments will be in italics.)
Dear conventioneers: As you make your way through this strange, foreign territory known as the Land of 10,000 Lakes, here are some pointers to help you get your feet wet.
Compiled by Kristin Tillotson, Star Tribune
Driving and taxis
• "Uptown Minneapolis" is south of downtown. And a pain in the arse to drive in. I know ... I did it today.
• Most traffic lights are on the corner curbs, not overhead in the middle of the street. And some are placed in such a way that you don't know what color they are until you're practically on top of them!
• Don't take the directional indications of "35W" and "35E" too seriously. And pay attention to the next note of importance:
• Minnesotans are notorious for not knowing how to merge onto freeways, finally heaving the car into your lane at the last minute while going 25 miles an hour. We brake for on-ramps -- if not for pedestrians. This one is SO true, it's ridiculous. It's so hard not to curse when people are merging into your lanes ... but I must remember I have a toddler in the car.
• No honking! Around here, laying on your horn is the equivalent to deliberately rear-ending someone. And I always thought I didn't honk because I have slow reflexes ... guess it's more than that.
• "The Crosstown" means Hwy. 62, which goes east-west on the southern border of Minneapolis and is a common airport route.
• Taxi tips: You can't hail a cab from the street. You have to go to a designated taxi stand. During the convention, some of those stands may be closed or moved. Some cabs have glowing lights hard-wired on top. This does not mean they are available. This is really annoying ... when I was pregnant and thought my water broke and had to take a cab to the hospital ... yeah ... not fun trying to figure out where I had to go to just pick up the damn cab.
Notorious landmarks not worth the effort
• Mary Tyler Moore house. It's a private residence and has changed too much. Never been.
• Larry Craig bathroom stall at the airport. Really, what do you expect to see? Never been either ... oh that's right ... it's in the men's restroom.
The rivalry between the Twin Cities
• Never, ever refer to St. Paul as Minneapolis. Duh. The reverse never happens, so no worries there.
• St. Paulites say: Minneapolis is where we play, but St. Paul is where we live. Minneapolitans say: Minneapolis is where we live and play. St. Paul is ... someplace in Wisconsin? St. Paul is a lovely city -- the Science Museum, the Children's Museum, the Caves ... and some of the cutest neighborhoods around ... and fanciest ... just drive down Summit Ave.
• People from Minneapolis find navigating St Paul to be difficult. People from St Paul just don't believe in navigating Minneapolis. Ah, I hate driving in both!
Eating and drinking
• Soda is "pop." This one's not true in my house. We call it soda.
• Seltzer is "soda water." Again, it's seltzer for us.
• Casserole is "hot dish." And both are pretty darn gross.
• Bars are places to drink, also 50 percent of desserts made in Minnesota are bars (lemon bars, pumpkin bars, etc.). MMM... pumpkin bars!
• Do try: Wild rice, walleye and lefse (thin Scandinavian potato pancakes rolled with sugar and butter).
• Try at your own risk: lutefisk, smelly whitefish cured in lye.
Minnesota expressions
• Yep. You bet.
• "Oh, fer," as in "Oh, fer nice!" or "Oh, fer gosh sakes!"
• "Ish" = "ick" or "gross."
• "Not too bad" = Amazingly great! not to be confused with ... So TRUE!
• "It's not that bad,'' the stock answer to any question about living here.
• DFL stands for the Democratic Farmer Labor party.
• You want to come with?
• A "hockey haircut" is a mullet. Even our governor used to have one. And every guy in my 8th grade to senior year had one... Ish!
• Can you borrow me five bucks?
• Schmoozing: In Minnesota, this means brown-nosing, not just chatting (we're suspicious of extroverts).
• "We'll be up at the lake" or "the cabin." Like there's only one. And it's always "the cabin," even when it's a house.
• "Up North" is anywhere north of the Twin Cities, but "the North Shore" is along Lake Superior between Duluth and the Canadian border.
• "The Cities" is the Twin Cities metropolitan area to anyone who lives outside of it. And is so anoying to those who live in the metro area ...
Safe conversation starters
• Whatcha driving these days?
• Crop art (artwork made from nothing but seeds and other plant parts -- now showing at the Minnesota State Fair).
• The weather. (No, it won't snow while you're here. Uh, well, at least it shouldn't.)
• Hating the Packers.
• When you're going to close down the cabin, up at the lake (or at least take in the dock).
• The eighth wonder of the world, skyways (those elevated downtown sidewalks).
Risky conversation starters
• Anything money-related.
• Bridge safety.
• Loving the Vikings.
• Northwest Airlines becoming Delta.
• Ethanol.
• Garrison Keillor's latest column.
• Prince vs. Dylan.
• Outdoor vs. indoor baseball stadiums.
Pronunciation guide
Edina: Ee-DINE-ah
Wayzata: Why-ZET-ta
Shakopee: SHOCK-a-pee
Nicollet Av.: NICK-o-lett
Roof: Vowel sound as in "look"
Social customs
• Start saying goodbye at least 15 minutes before you really have to leave. Again so true and so annoying.
• Replying to an RSVP request is considered an optional courtesy. This is one of my biggest pet peeves... it's not option and it's just plain rude!
• When in doubt, be indirect.
• Be prepared to face passive aggression around every corner. If a Minnesotan tells you something is "interesting" or "different," you can be sure you've been insulted.
No comments:
Post a Comment