The Boogie Man is Alive and Well

Today was one of those days. You know ... the kind that you end up capping off with two glasses of wine ... because, frankly, one just isn't enough. The revelation that ended in my lap at the end of it all is that people really don't know what they want. And even the smartest people think that by putting a new coat of paint on a wall, you might hide the fact that there is a mold problem festering. At least, that's what I encountered. Where I work, we really encourage employees to provide feedback. It's our culture, just part of our DNA and who we are. (Ha -- now there is some corporate speak.) Anyhow, basically employees know that they can share opinions and are pretty open and willing to do so. The issue is that we just haven't done the best job sharing what we do with that feedback. So, you'd think we'd put more efforts around sharing that story. Because, if I keep sharing my opinion but nothing happens ... eventually I will stop sharing my opinion. Alas, we are putting all are time and energy toward the front end and to ensure people are telling us there opinions. It doesn't make sense to me. But clearly, I must be the only one not getting it.

Therefore, I feel like my own personal boogie man has chosen to enter my life. Dance around me all day and creep into my skin. It was my best not to scream out loud today. I just don't get it. Is every company with more than 50 employees like this? Does anyone truly love their job in the land of neutral cubicles and off-temperatures? Probably not, otherwise movies like Office Space and shows like The Office probably wouldn't be as popular as they are. No, the reason that people like these shows is that they resonate to the full essence. While we think they are exaggerations of reality, the truth is that they are exact replicas.

I thought I had become a heartless corporate zombie, but today made me realize, I'm not heartless, I've just gotten really close to surrendering in the battle. The white flag is not quite raised, but I'm soaking it in Clorox so that when I'm ready to raise it -- it will be bright and signal the end.

I know two people who are saying their farewells in the next month to their benefactor de corporate-o. I am full of admiration for their bravery, their courage and their chutzpah. I'm not quite ready -- I need to have a fully thought out back-up plan before I can raise the white flag. But I fear that when I'm ready, it will be a sea of white for a smug and unsuspecting group. I hope - for their sakes - that I am terribly wrong.

Chocolate Revelations

Last night was another installment of the Ladies Tasting Club. This month's adventure centered around chocolate. Yes, can you believe we had an excuse to have chocolate as dinner? It was divine. The evening started out with a lovely spread of delicious appetizers - yummy blue cheese, bacony filled dates and this cheesy, walnutty, balsamic vinaigretty bruschetta. That was heavenly enough. (Yes, GF -- you are a divine hostess, chef-in-the-making! You always have yummy goods!)

After the delish appetizers, everyone settled with the wine of their choice. I selected a humble cab -- I'm partial to reds, but a good white on a hot day, I'll do. On this chilly spring night, knowing my fare, it was a bold red that I was seeking for my companion.

The first piece of divinity: Cote d'or Belgian Chocolate - Belgian Dark Chocolate "Noir de Noir" 56% Cocoa. Talk about starting the evening off right. This chocolate was the perfect balance of sweet and bitter. It melted in my mouth like a piece of satin gliding over my tongue. The best part ... it had a long finish that truly allowed you to savor every piece of it's perfection. It really is something that you could reward yourself with after a long week of pain and stress. And with it being at the peak of richness, a small indulgence was more than satisfying it.

The second chocolaty experience proved that the night was going to introduce to a wide range of experiences. El Rey “Gran Saman” Venezuelan, single origin, 70% cacao. This chocolate was dull in experience and much drier than its predecessor. Its aroma and taste were reminiscent of a potato cellar, there was just something a little more stale about it. It was mild for being 70% cacao and had a much shorter finish. It wasn't bad (let's be honest, really none of them were bad.) just very different than the smooth creamy Belgian. In fact, one taster thought it was really a divine piece of chocolate.

Our third endeavor was the Kallari, organic, single source origin, 75% cacao bar from Ecuador. This was a very dark chocolate that reminded me of burnt marshmallows and was extremely bitter. However, the texture was smooth and it melted in my mouth like butter. It was also the most acidic of the chocolates, but definitely something a true dark chocolate lover would want to add to their list of future purchases.

Hopping to another continent, we next experienced Green & Black's, 70% cacao bar. This -originally English - company's fares can be found everyone, including your local Target. Now owned by Cadbury, they are a way to help provide delicious organic chocolate options to a broader scope. I found the bar fruity, with hints of raspberry, smooth, with just a hint of chalkiness and a short finish. Something for people who might be hesitant to try dark chocolate might want to start slowly on this one.

The next bar smelled of burnt rubber, but melted like butter as soon as you picked it up. The texture was unlike any thing else we had that night, the creamiest of peanut butters -- meaning absolutely sticking to your teeth and gums. The Endangered Species, Extreme Dark Chocolate, 88% Cacao, bar was unlike any other for the evening. Now, here's a secret -- this is the chocolate I use to make chocolate covered strawberries. So my tasting group had actually had it before, but none of them would have realized it. It's the perfect amount of bitterness to cut a sweet, juicy ripe strawberry to make a most decadent dessert.

Our next treat was a Scharffen Berger Bittersweet Chocolate Bar, American, cuvee, 70% cacao. This American bar was actually very sweet, considering the cacao level, with a hint of vanilla. Truly a divine treat that I would purchase again. It was like the best cup of hot chocolate melting in your mouth. And the packaging (while this picture doesn't do it justice) was actually pretty where you could use this yummy bar as a gift and feel quite pleased that you are gifting a really worthy gift.

The final chocolate treat of the evening was Michel Cluizel “1st cru de plantation “Maralumi” dark chocolate bar, French, single plantation, 64% cacao. So, personally, I just like saying Maralumi -- it sounds pretty. And fortunately, this chocolate didn't disappoint. But again, very different than the rest. This had a lively, citrusy, almost bright and vibrant taste to it. Something you'd have in the morning to pick you up and get you set right for the rest of the day. Apparently, the French don't only know cheese and wine, they know chocolate, too.

All-in-all, chocolate can be one's dinner for a night -- just don't feel guilty the next day! And I must say, I think I did have a bit of a chocolate hangover because the bright sun was brutal when I slipped off my sleep mask in the morning. But ... it was definitely worth it!

Sick-o

Being sick really puts things in perspective. Either that or it just lowers my tolerance for annoyance. I have found the littlest things are annoying me even more today, perhaps that's why you shouldn't work when you are sick. Even though I am at home, creating a haven as comfortable as possible to accommodate my ailments ... I'm still being particularly annoyed ...

When the Economy Turns

I am constantly wondering how things will change when the economy turns back on the right side of the quarter. The media would have us believe that Americans are learning from their past mistakes and we'll all be much smarter, responsible consumers when it comes back around. That we won't live above our means, that we'll think twice before indulging in non-necessities. But I don't know ... will we really learn? Hasn't this country been through this before? Clearly part of evolution in America was not passing on the lessons learned. In fact, it seems that people over compensate for what they didn't have when they were younger.

The lessons clearly are not learned in our neighborhood -- we've seen two houses fall to foreclosure (fortunately, both are now re-occupied, but at a much nicer price than we paid. And true one went at about 50% off but the people had a lot of work to bring it back up to good condition, the previous owners took everything they could ... so sad.) There are more houses popping up for sale and it makes me sad. They are selling for less than we'd want them to. It does mean, we'll be living here longer than we initially thought, because we'll have to wait for the market to go back up. We're okay with this ... our house has a lot of potential and more than enough room for our family ... but we just have to hope the rest of the neighborhood can stay strong and maintain themselves. We think that it will ... but you just don't know who overextended themselves to get in their houses. It's sad when you think about it. Shouldn't we all have protected ourselves from this tragedy?

The other thing about the economy is the job market. It will be interesting to see what jobs spring back to future wealth when the economy returns. Will agencies and freelancers be the wealthy folks they once were? Will skilled workers like electricians, woodworkers and builders return to their previous full engagements and be busy. You can only hope that everyone will find happiness through all of this turmoil. Whether it be financial, spiritual or physical happiness. I hope everyone finds some contentment.

Dead Inside?

This humble week, both K and I turned another year older. Of course, it's much more exciting to see him turn 3 than for me to turn 31, so I relished in his excitement. He actually demanded (albeit nicely) that I sing Happy Birthday to him on Tuesday morning when I went to wake him up. It was hilarious, enjoyable and made me relish the true happiness of life. Which brings me to this entry's point and title.

This was a big week for everyone's performance reviews at the corporate dwelling I call work. Unfortunately, I was present and/or heard about quite a few performance reviews that did not go well. Many people received lower than expected scores. Now, part of this can be attributed to the fact that maybe lower scores helped ensure lower increases across the board -- but let's just say I had the unfortunate duty of consoling at least three different tear-ups.

Now, here's where I stand. I get up every morning, do my job (and do it well, I think) and then I get on the bus at night and I try to leave it all behind me. I have learned over the past nine years to no longer take it personal. It's just a job. True, the job affords me to do all the things I want in life, but in the grand scheme of things, you cannot let it eat you up and tear you down. I've been there, I let it happen. And like the Phoenix, from the ashes I rose up smarter, and perhaps a little icier inside. I witnessed officers who seeked out pleasure from making others miserable, and considered it icing on the cake if they could make someone cry. My response. Defiance -- I will not let them make me cry. So, perhaps, when it comes to corporate America, I have become a little dead inside. If so, I consider due to my experience and that as long as I do a good job during the day, it's not worth bothering myself when I'm away from work to get "worked up" about it.

Of course, I do sometimes put in long hours, work on the weekends, but I look at it as the little extra to ensure security and what helps make sure I can pay the bills. But I have learned to prioritize and make sure that family will come first. If that means I take a day off so I can take my son to his annual check-up -- then so be it. I also always take at least one day off a month just for myself ... a crucial trick to ensuring mental health.

Yes, I was a counselor most of this week, helping people try to understand how I have managed to stay at one place for almost nine years and how I can still look at myself in the mirror each day. It's not always easy, but the rewards can be worth it.

Farewell 30

Today is my last humble day at 30. I've never been one to make a big deal out of birthday's. They tend to be pretty uneventful for me. I usually fly under the radar and don't make a big deal about it.

And, let's be honest, turning 31 is not really a big deal in and of itself. But ... it does feel significantly older than turning 30. I'm not "over 30". Blech. While, I still feel tremendously young and more like that of a 25-year-old, I have to wonder if this is the final bridge into that crazy thing called adulthood. As in, I can no longer excuse my inexperience, lack of confidence and sweet naivete to being young.

Perhaps it doesn't help that many consider me to harbor an old soul, so even when I was really just 25, people thought I was probably 30. Oh, well. Tomorrow I will wake up, go to work and plug along in the corporate mecca like I do every day. Nothing new. But perhaps, I can challenge myself to maybe, just maybe, at least get the first paragraph written of the book that keep telling myself I need to write. That will be my goal ... to get that done (at least) before I turn 40.