Transitioning Into a New Year

I hope that all had a merry holiday season, be it Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Festivus or whatever you may choose to celebrate. 2008 was a year of many ups and downs for the nation, and for the most part a consistent year for my family. I look forward to the next year with hope, anticipation and a little apprehension.

Will the corporate giants that are still looming meet their ultimate slayer? Will they crumble to the ground? Will our new president live up to all the expectations that have been thrust upon him? Will the economy rebound and rise like a Phoenix from the ashes of the housing market? Will I be a more dedicated blogger and post more regularly?

Perhaps all those things will happen ... I haven't decided what my New Year's Resolution will be yet. I'd like it to be something I know I can stick to. Would getting a daily dose of the Wii count? (Hey, my Wii Fit age this morning was 23 -- that's pretty darn good considering the hard reality that I am actually 30.) Maybe I'll actually spend money to download songs on my iPod (yes, faithful readers, I've only downloaded free fare on my iPod or used GiftCards ... and I still haven't taken the time to transfer over some of my favorite CDs to the digital format yet ... I'm a late adopter ... don't blame me.) Maybe I can commit to clean eating ... I try a little of it whenever I can ... but I haven't committed to Tosca Rena's eating plan yet ... but I do have to return a couple of duplicate books at Borders, so I'm sure I'll have enough moola that I could make the purchase -- but would it just get dusty on my bookshelf?

What's your resolution? Will you commit to it for more than four months?

Creating the Perfect Meal

One of the things I love most about hosting the holidays is putting together a most splendid meal. I love experimenting with flavors and trying my culinary talents (however untalented I might be ... ) And could I be any happier that Top Chef has been all about the holiday meals this season (it's like the producers just knew how to speak to me!)

However, this poses a problem. D appreciates my desire to experiment and put together a perfect meal, layering salty and sweet, savory and succulent ... but he has told me that my attempts this year may be a little too "fru fruy" (I am using his words here, because I think that it just provides the complete experience -- and I won't tell you how hard it was not to bust out laughing when I saw "fru fruy" come through on my email at work today.)

This also comes from the man who selected the holiday cookie recipes for me to execute this year. With the exception of our standard Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookie (from the Magnolia Bakery cookbook) every single recipe he asked me to make this year was beyond complications. We are talking about cookie recipes that had 10 steps, and took me hours upon hours to complete. While I enjoy the flavor of many of them ... I will need to forget the labor involved before creating them ever again. (Seriously, I think I own every flavor of jelly known to man because I had to buy so many different flavors due to the many that required jelly.) The list included Stoplight Cookies (they look like stoplights with strawberry, apricot and apple jellies making the different colored lights) Black and Blueberry Rugelach's, Pecan Caramel Surprise Clusters, Raspberry Pinwheels, and Cornflake Christmas Wreaths.

Back to dinner ...
While my secret desire is to be like Martha Stewart I do understand my limitations, but epicurious.com just has so many fantastic planned out menus. I cannot control myself. I sent him a list of about eight. I've decided to go extremes -- let's pick a menu or it's "Hello, Target, I'd like the $69.99 holiday meal, please." I know we'll narrow it down and probably end up mixing and matching, but I just realized, I will need to be preparing this feast in exactly seven days. The palms are starting to sweat. Oh, well, it's really the meal that I enjoy, it's where everyone gathers around the table and shares stories, laughter and a little gentle ribbing. It's what the holidays are really about.

Season's Tidings

It is hard to believe that we are already heavy into the month of December. Unfortunately, our month hasn't started well, as D's grandma passed away earlier this week. But it's a sobering reminder of what this time of year is supposed to remind us about how we should be the entire year. We were fortunate enough that we saw his grandma last week at Thanksgiving, and she was very lucid and we got to spend quality time with her. In a blink, she was gone.

The time we have with each other is so very fleeting, brief and if we don't hold it as preciously as we should, it will disappear before we know it. That is what this time of year is supposed to reinforce for us. If you believe in God (as I do), you believe that he gave us his son as the ultimate gift. A great man to teach us the way and in the end provide the ultimate sacrifice. Tolstoy's three questions will also help remind one of what's most important. And so my present to you today is this story:

Three Questions - by Leo Tolstoy

One day it occurred to a certain emperor that if he only knew the answers to three questions, he would never stray in any matter.

What is the best time to do each thing?
Who are the most important people to work with?
What is the most important thing to do at all times?

The emperor issued a decree throughout his kingdom announcing that whoever could answer the questions would receive a great reward. Many who read the decree made their way to the palace at once, each person with a different answer.

In reply to the first question, one person advised that the emperor make up a thorough time schedule, consecrating every hour, day, month, and year for certain tasks and then follow the schedule to the letter. Only then could he hope to do every task at the right time.

Another person replied that it was impossible to plan in advance and that the emperor should put all vain amusements aside and remain attentive to everything in order to know what to do at what time.

Someone else insisted that, by himself, the emperor could never hope to have all the foresight and competence necessary to decide when to do each and every task and what he really needed was to set up a Council of the Wise and then to act according to their advice.

Someone else said that certain matters required immediate decision and could not wait for consultation, but if he wanted to know in advance what was going to happen he should consult magicians and soothsayers.

The responses to the second question also lacked accord. One person said that the emperor needed to place all his trust in administrators, another urged reliance on priests and monks, while others recommended physicians. Still others put their faith in warriors.

The third question drew a similar variety of answers. Some said science was the most important pursuit. Others insisted on religion. Yet others claimed the most important thing was military skill.

-------------------------------

The emperor was not pleased with any of the answers, and no reward was given.

After several nights of reflection, the emperor resolved to visit a hermit who lived up on the mountain and was said to be an enlightened man. The emperor wished to find the hermit to ask him the three questions, though he knew the hermit never left the mountains and was known to receive only the poor, refusing to have anything to do with persons of wealth or power. So the emperor disguised himself as a simple peasant and ordered his attendants to wait for him at the foot of the mountain while he climbed the slope alone to seek the hermit.

Reaching the holy man's dwelling place, the emperor found the hermit digging a garden in front of his hut. When the hermit saw the stranger, he nodded his head in greeting and continued to dig. The labor was obviously hard on him. He was an old man, and each time he thrust his spade into the ground to turn the earth, he heaved heavily.

The emperor approached him and said, "I have come here to ask your help with three questions: When is the best time to do each thing? Who are the most important people to work with? What is the most important thing to do at all times?"

The hermit listened attentively but only patted the emperor on the shoulder and continued digging. The emperor said, "You must be tired. Here, let me give you a hand with that." The hermit thanked him, handed the emperor the spade, and then sat down on the ground to rest.

After he had dug two rows, the emperor stopped and turned to the hermit and repeated his three questions. The hermit still did not answer, but instead stood up and pointed to the spade and said, "Why don't you rest now? I can take over again." But the emperor continued to dig. One hour passed, then two. Finally the sun began to set behind the mountain. The emperor put down the spade and said to the hermit, "I came here to ask if you could answer my three questions. But if you can't give me any answer, please let me know so that I can get on may way home."

The hermit lifted his head and asked the emperor, "Do you hear someone running over there?" The emperor turned his head. They both saw a man with a long white beard emerge from the woods. He ran wildly, pressing his hands against a bloody wound in his stomach. The man ran toward the emperor before falling unconscious to the ground, where he lay groaning. Opening the man's clothing, the emperor and hermit saw that the man had received a deep gash. The emperor cleaned the wound thoroughly and then used his own shirt to bandage it, but the blood completely soaked it within minutes. He rinsed the shirt out and bandaged the wound a second time and continued to do so until the flow of blood had stopped.

At last the wounded man regained consciousness and asked for a drink of water. The emperor ran down to the stream and brought back a jug of fresh water. Meanwhile, the sun had disappeared and the night air had begun to turn cold. The hermit gave the emperor a hand in carrying the man into the hut where they laid him down on the hermit's bed. The man closed his eyes and lay quietly. The emperor was worn out from the long day of climbing the mountain and digging the garden. Leaning against the doorway, he fell asleep. When he rose, the sun had already risen over the mountain. For a moment he forgot where he was and what he had come here for. He looked over to the bed and saw the wounded man also looking around him in confusion. When he saw the emperor, he stared at him intently and then said in a faint whisper, "Please forgive me."

"But what have you done that I should forgive you?" the emperor asked.

"You do not know me, your majesty, but I know you. I was your sworn enemy, and I had vowed to take vengeance on you, for during the last war you killed my brother and seized my property. When I learned that you were coming alone to the mountain to meet the hermit, I resolved to surprise you on your way back to kill you. But after waiting a long time there was still no sign of you, and so I left my ambush in order to seek you out. But instead of finding you, I came across your attendants, who recognized me, giving me this wound. Luckily, I escaped and ran here. If I hadn't met you I would surely be dead by now. I had intended to kill you, but instead you saved my life! I am ashamed and grateful beyond words. If I live, I vow to be your servant for the rest of my life, and I will bid my children and grandchildren to do the same. Please grant me your forgiveness."

The emperor was overjoyed to see that he was so easily reconciled with a former enemy. He not only forgave the man but promised to return all the man's property and to send his own physician and servants to wait on the man until he was completely healed. After ordering his attendants to take the man home, the emperor returned to see the hermit. Before returning to the palace the emperor wanted to repeat his three questions one last time. He found the hermit sowing seeds in the earth they had dug the day before.

The hermit stood up and looked at the emperor. "But your questions have already been answered."

"How's that?" the emperor asked, puzzled.

"Yesterday, if you had not taken pity on my age and given me a hand with digging these beds, you would have been attacked by that man on your way home. Then you would have deeply regretted not staying with me. Therefore the most important time was the time you were digging in the beds, the most important person was myself, and the most important pursuit was to help me. Later, when the wounded man ran up here, the most important time was the time you spent dressing his wound, for if you had not cared for him he would have died and you would have lost the chance to be reconciled with him. Likewise, he was the most important person, and the most important pursuit was taking care of his wound. Remember that there is only one important time and is Now. The present moment is the only time over which we have dominion. The most important person is always the person with whom you are, who is right before you, for who knows if you will have dealings with any other person in the future. The most important pursuit is making that person, the one standing at you side, happy, for that alone is the pursuit of life."

Response on Accessbility

Well ... I received my response in regards to my concerns about accessibility at The Shoppes at Arbor Lakes. I feel that it's only fair that I paste it here in it's entirety:

Thank you for your recent inquiry regarding accessibility at the Shoppes at Arbor Lakes. Our stores are in compliance with ADA requirements based on the store’s entry width. As such, powered doors are not a requirement. Thank you for your question, contact me if I can be of further service and thank you for shopping at The Shoppes of Arbor Lakes. Happy Thanksgiving!

Michael Grenander, RPA
General Manager
Shoppes at Arbor Lakes
Direct: (763) 488-9930
Office: (763) 424-0504
Fax: (763) 424-9456
email: michaelgrenander@cousinsproperties.com

Poor Mr. Grenander -- do you offer any additional services to accommodate consumers who cannot open the heavy -- but apparently not wide enough -- doors? This is a very sad state to me that no additional services are provided. I would say that I'm sad I won't be shopping at the Shoppes very frequently any more, but fortunately, all the stores I'd want to support are also located at 50th and France in Edina or Roseville. So, I will be taking my business to those locales more frequently.

Accessibility Requirements

Today, K and I began a little holiday shopping at the Shoppes at Arbor Lakes in Maple Grove, Minnesota. I must tell you that it was quite a frustrating experience from an accessibility standpoint. K was in his stroller, and all of the doors I had to pull to open. There were no electronic openers and these doors were heavy!

It made me wonder how might someone with a temporary or permanent handicap could easily enter all the stores. Seriously, if you were on crutches or using a wheelchair, I think you'd quickly turn around and leave. It was wretched and near impossible for me to get in some of those stores. Sometimes I'd be lucky and someone would see me struggling and come to my assistance. So, is this shopping centre breaking the law? I feel like they are completely violating the ADA. (http://www.access-board.gov/publications/ADAFactSheet/A13.html). There is no way this place could be considered accessible, and it specifically calls out the need to make shopping areas accessible regardless of size.

So, I've e-mailed the management of the shopping centre and requested a list of how they comply with the ADA requirements in regards to accessibility. I am quite interested in how they respond and will be sure to post a follow-up to my blog. I think we need to ensure that we have equality across all areas, including commerce. It greatly concerns me that anyone would construct a business area that did not allow for easy access for all.

Ode to Pinotage

Like water to a wounded soul

Blood that has drenched the soil of your earth

A mild and tempting escape

Your history is just becoming unearthed

Your sweetness only beginning to be discovered

Your powers embracing

To my lips you dance

To my heart you warm

To my mind you release

Sensitivity Chip

It's commonly known that shortly after Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt divorced, she was quoted as saying Brad lacked a sensitivity chip. It's also commonly known that studies are showing that Emotional Intelligence (aka sensitivity chip) is growing in importance to success. Daniel Pink has a new book out all about the right side of the brain, and EQ has been talked about for decades (if not longer.)

My question is, if these are considered factors for success, why does it seem that people's sensitivity chips tend to wear down, break down or just disappear as they progress in life. Be it progressing in corporate America, just aging in general, or as you meet success. I'm struggling right now because I tend to think that once people hit a certain level in the professional world their sensitivity chips malfunction. This fear is so great that I am hesitant myself to continue to aspire to greater levels of success.

The only thing worse than thinking I've hit my plateau is thinking that I will loose all realms of common sense when it comes to EQ and sensitivity. I'd like to think I could defy these odds ... but I'm truly scared. People who I've previously respected for their ability to rely on common sense and their connection to people and looking at the whole picture from all angles have lost these abilities once they've moved up another rung on the ladder. It becomes a lot of apologies and excuses. They try to get you to see their side, but they never once considered the story from your angle.

I understand that corporate America is really all about making money, getting ahead, and making your stockholders happy ... but you don't have a happy and engaged workforce ... how will you continue your success? I think it's easy right now to say that no one would leave and it's easy to replace you if you do ... but this is how reputations get built. Eventually, someone will begin to question, secrets will get out, your workforce will dwindle and you'll have to start from scratch. Who knows, perhaps you'll get an even better, stronger workforce, but if you're not careful ... your success could die.

If you google engagement and the workforce, you'll find lots of articles that talk about the importance of engagement and how it will create bigger profits for companies in the end. The problem right now is ... engagement counts as a paycheck. People are grateful that they just have jobs. If corporate America doesn't start treating it's employees better, I'm afraid that the rest of the world will truly surpass us and everything great we once stood for will falter.

My Alter Ego

I think all of us have an alter ego ... a split personality ... a side of us that we only let an elite few see. By day I am a reserved, corporate middle manager. I provide guidance and counsel to a variety of others. I act in the utmost professionalism. Okay ... on occasion I let a snarky comment or two escape. But to the average viewer, I'm a wise old sage (mind you, I'm not really that old, but I've been around in my department almost longer than everyone else) who dispenses sound bites of knowledge and helps people along their own career paths. I defend those worth defending and challenge ideas that just support the status quo. I'm not moving mountains, but I'm keeping the circulation running in one minor artery.

Now, the side of me that people don't see ... she's a dancing fool. Put on some great funky beats and let her loose. (Thank you Pandora Radio for my Jamiroquai station.) I enjoy shakin' it and making my son and husband laugh because they know that I have released myself to the freedom of my soul. My son did enter the world with Stevie Wonder playing in the hospital room. And based on his love for music and his head-bobbing in appreciation, I know he's inherited my rhythm.

If I'm not enjoying the rhythms of another artist, I'll be providing my own operatic tones as my personal soundtrack (unfortunately, the husband's not so appreciative this, but it might be because it crosses the border into annoying.) As I've aged, I've started to let the two alter egos bridge on occasion, but very rarely. I've noticed I start singing at my desk. Fortunately, I typically catch myself before anyone else does. I've decided it's because I am coming into my own. I've gotten to the age where I'm comfortable with my skin, and I know that the way to a happy life is not to take yourself so seriously and just go along with the music.

An Important Day, A Defining Moment in History

Today in the United States, we placed our votes for our next president. The lines were long. People's voices were loud as they rooted on their top candidate. It is an election where in some races, the winner is easily projected. In others, it will come down to very close victories. What will the atmosphere be like tomorrow? Depending on the outcome, it will be a new era of hope, for others it may be a day of disbelief.

Lots of things were said during this election in many different races. While some had predicted this might be the "friendliest" election campaign from both parties, it was instead one of passive aggression, name-calling and immaturity. Some of our local races gave a new definition to sleazy politics. A leader in government affairs once pointed out that what makes good politics often is what makes good policy. And when it comes down to it, we must learn to look past the politics and understand the policies that are being presented.

I hope that in future elections, we will get past the politics and just focus on the policies being presented -- at city, state and federal levels. I will admit, I didn't vote down a party line tonight, I did my homework and studied where the candidates stood on policies. My civic duty is to encourage others to do the same. For those who voted today: Thank you.

Upsetting the Apple Cart

Change is the only thing that is inevitable in corporate America. The economy is down, consumers are in a panic, and looking at your 401(k) is probably one of the worst things you can do. It's a good time to reflect on business and consider how you can streamline your processes, what you can make better, and overall, clean house.

I like my line of work, I usually like my company, and I enjoy a lot of the people I work with. I struggle with the same office politics that most people do. And fortunately, I have friends in other areas of business whose concerns help assure me that anything I'm dealing with ... they're dealing with something rather similar in their world.

Yesterday, the apple cart was turned over in our department. A sweeping change -- one that was tough for many, unfair for a few -- occurred. Now, organizationally, it is the best thing they've done in a while. It creates a standard consistency, removes opportunity for one-up-manship and responds back to general concerns that the team voiced. After a year of tumultuous change, this upsetting of the cart was perhaps the best move they've made in a while.

Closer to home at the office, there were a couple of other changes. Changes I'm not sure how I feel about yet. Only time will tell, and of course, I have some power of these changes and if I want them to be even deeper. That I'm still pondering. I have a week to make up my mind -- and lots of investigating to do before I make my decision.

Old Ladies On the Bus

I am very grateful for public transit. Sure, sometimes you have to deal with smelly co-passengers (be it body order, alcohol or stale cigarettes -- it's basically a college bar on wheels in that respect.) One of the things I enjoy most about my daily commute is the eaves-dropping on others conversations. Of course, you must be very sly on your approach, because you never want to actually get caught listening in to others.

This morning was a delightful day for conversation. There were three older women who clearly had been loyal users of the 250 for many years. They greeted a variety of the other commuters as they boarded the bus. And not just hellos, but joyful greetings that indicated they'd known each other for years. They'd watched each other's children grow, they shared potluck jell-o recipes, and even their favorite places to get great deals. They were full of life. If I had to put an age on them, I'd guess they were close to their sixties. Women on the verge of retirement, but not quite ready to escape the working world. (Definitely women who will make retirement a party, though!)

After the crumbling of the old 35W bridge, our bus was re-routed to take a different major interstate. Now, in some respects, this was a good change. Our ride was shorter and I was dropped off a lot closer to my building (or at least close enough to get inside a building and take the skyways the rest of the way.) Well, these women had some hot news this morning, they had to tell everyone about how the bus was going to be returning to it's old route and going back on 35W. They had taken it on as their personal duty to make sure everyone was informed. It was cute, as they would call out to their friend five seats away and say "Hey, there Sue -- did you know we're going back on 35W -- a week from next Monday!"

Of course these women knew that they were informing the entire bus, and I think it was to try and crate a small outcry of "No, we can't return to that route, it takes longer!" They then proceeded to go on and rant and rave about how the Transit company really didn't have their act together, where was the communication, only one woman had found out because her bus driver had told her. Well, why wasn't ours telling us?!

It made me wonder if in 30 years, will I be like these women? I don't know, I don't think so. I'm to introverted to want to make sure the rest of the world knows my plight. But it was an enjoyable show for the morning, and probably explains why I've been resisting to just plop in my ear buds and listen to the iPod.

Taking a Big Sigh

Today was one of those days. A day where you just have to let things roll off your back and know that it will be all right. My day started off with a call at 7:15 a.m. with a co-working looking to gather the courage to tell their boss that they needed some support. That being overworked was having a negative impact on all elements of her life.

It progressed to me having to provide feedback to a partner and then, doing the right thing, ask for feedback in return. There were other work elements that peppered throughout the day and left me in a cloud of gray dust, but I knew I had to persevere because it was swimming lessons day and I'd be leaving at 4.

Of course, K just wasn't his usually swimming self tonight, he sort of did the back float, but near the end, just wanted to be held by mommy. Then, when we got home, he devoured his dinner, but still wanted to cuddle, going back and forth between mommy and daddy.

Now, it's quiet, I did a few additional work tasks and I'm coming down from a day of intensity, but also a day where I feel like a got little accomplished. One day, I'll free up enough time to just write, write, write. And then, if I move to Europe and write from there ... well ... I might just be eligible for a Nobel prize. Just maybe.

Oprah Makes Me Cry

I never thought I'd be one to DVR Oprah, but I have to confess that I do. Now, I don't watch every episode, and a lot of times I fast forward through them really quickly. But ... every once in a while, there will be an episode that steals my attention completely.

I had a hard time falling asleep last night, so I decided to go through the DVR queue. There was an episode of Oprah that had something to do with an overwhelmed mother's mistake. It ended up being about a mother who left her two-year-old daughter in the car for over eight hours on a hot August day. (http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/oprahshow/20080902_tows_moms_)

I must admit ... I was bawling and bawling my eyes out. The objective of the show was to give everyone a wake up call and to slow down in their lives. To really savor the moments you have with your children, you partners, each other. It was heartbreaking and devastating. The show was sprinkled with other mothers confessing incidents in their lives. None of them had the same tragic end that the main guest did. Her precious daughter died.

There was an interesting turn in the show when it began to talk about how these mothers needed to reach out to their partners/husbands more. Let them know they need help. I am extremely lucky ... my partner for life is a very caring and loving husband and father. I don't need to ask him to pitch in more or help out once in a while. Why? Because when he signed up for this marriage, he took it as a full partnership from the get-go. And now, as a father, he is an amazing man. Of course, it's not all him. We've made agreements at different stages of our relationship to make sure it always works out. I try to pass on these tips to other women out there. Especially new moms, because I do think that there is a tendency for women to try to take it all on and not want or expect their husbands to do anything. I know many women who will go out, with their husband and children at home. The man will call because a child won't quit crying ... and what does she do? She drops everything to go and "rescue" him. That would never happen in my marriage.

D is just as much a father as I am a mother. He doesn't babysit his child, he parents them. One of the things we are committed to doing for each other is giving each other a free day (or a few hours depending on what's available) where you can just have time for yourself. This might be simply a nap (for me). Or giving D the house to himself on a Sunday afternoon to watch football. We love and cherish our son, so we also enjoy when we get to have one-on-one time with him. And it gives the other partner time to refresh themselves. We split duties equally. Whoever cooks, the other one cleans up. I do laundry, he vacuums. I do bedtimes, he typically gets wake-up duty (on the weekends, it depends on who K calls into this bedroom ... or whichever one of us got to bed a littler earlier the night before).

I don't know if it's because I fell in love with a man who was much older than me, or if it was how he was raised (his father is very much a compassionate man who also believes in equal partnership -- even when he was a senior executive for a major company.) Every day I am grateful for finding him, falling in love and knowing that I am in a good place.

Of course, we have our arguments, and we don't always live a fairytale life. We have to deal with many issues that others deal with (money, traveling, our opinions on each others friends, work issues) but in the end, I think we know it's just us ... our family and that's what matters. So, Oprah, I want to thank you for making me realize, once again, in a waterfall of tears how grateful I am for my husband ... how much I love him (even during moments I might not like him) ... and just how blessed I really am. And of course, I did share all of this with D, too. That's the most important part of loving someone -- telling and showing them you love them.

Important Message

Please take the time to watch this:

http://perezhilton.com/tv/index.php?ptvid=7756ee5463c41

Repeat After Me

One of my favorite books to read to K when he was just a little baby was Baby Einstein's Language Nursery. The book has a handful of simple phrases that are then written in English, Spanish, French, Japanese and Hebrew. (It has the phonetic pronunciations, so no worries if you're not fluent -- you'll sort of pronounce it correctly to your baby. D and I would often debate the correct way to say a few things ... and if you are fluent, you'll realize some of the phonetic spellings are a little off.)

Well, K decided to take the book out of his archives and is very into having it read to him again. But, at 2.5, now he likes to repeat the phrases back. It's enjoyable to hear him say adios, au revoir, sayonara and the like. He laughs when I make him say them over again until he gets it just right. No wonder people teach their children multiple languages, they definitely can get a faster grasp on them.

There is a danger in having a child who is very fluent in repeating the words that come from their parents mouths. Earlier today when D was watching a football player, he declared "oh, crap!" and of course then K responded back very loudly "oh, crap!" I was proud of myself for not laughing, and instead scolding my husband and letting him know that we really do have to watch everything we say.

But there are a few things we don't have to worry about having to prompt K to say. Like when we put him to bed, he freely tells us goodnight and I love you. Sweet little phrases that every parent longs to hear.

Exhaustion, Always

I had the hardest time waking up today. I just did not want to get out of bed. I can attribute it to the fact that my darling toddler woke up at 3 a.m. and then asked me to sleep on the floor of his room with him. And then proceeded to pet my face and talk to me the rest of the morning. Not once did he fall asleep!! Seriously, where do children get their energy?

He was a real champion this weekend, starting with his flu vaccine on Friday. We opted for the nasal mist, because research states it lasts longer and is more effective. And if anyone knows the history of my sweet son, his first winter was not a good one and he was terribly sick. So, we are always looking for the best options to keep him in health's way. Well... the nasal thing was quick and painless, but one of the side effects is a runny nose -- and boy did he have one for the next two days. It was constantly wiping. It's much better today, but you could always tell when he was getting ready for a blow, because his voice would get all nasal-y.

So, alas, I'm exhausted from a weekend of high-energy toddler, nose-wiping constantly, and of course when I peeked at my calendar for the week ahead ... well, I sort of just want to crawl into my bed. How did my calendar get so out of control? Alas, I'll be able to handle it. That's why I'm a wonder woman/working mother!

Motherhood

I would have to say the greatest gift I've ever been given is the gift of motherhood. No matter how well I could describe it, the only other people who will truly understand it is other mothers. There's something that crawls deep into your soul and makes your heart swell to maximize capacity.

When I read stories about child abuse or neglect, I understand how it could go there. I understand the stressful moments that someone might not have the adequate tools for, the support systems needed in place, or just the right avenues that allow them the space they need. I'm luck, I have a lot of great resources, tools, support, and a fantastic partner who allow me to focus on the positives of motherhood, without having to fall into the realms of the dark.

One of the biggest debates surrounding motherhood this day and age is about stay at home moms vs. working moms. It's a debate that can make former friends never speak to each other again. There are lots of books out about the subject (searching on Borders today brought up over 121 different titles on the subject. Some notable highlights include: I Don't Know How She Does It: The Life of Kate Redding, Working Mother by Allison Pearson, How She Really Does It by Wendy Sachs) The one common theme in these books is that they talk about how can women be both professionals and moms.

It's hard. Every day I struggle with the desire to want to just be at home, helping my son grow up to be the best person he can possibly be. But, is it fulfilling to women who feel like they have "so much more to offer" to look down at them if they also choose to work. Many studies have come out that speak to the effects caused by having mommies who work. One that always sticks for me is that the number of "quality" hours between SAHM and WM are about the same. So even if a SAHM spends more time with her child, the quality of that time isn't greater. That's a bit reassuring, but I'm sure doesn't sit well with SAHM.

I believe you must do what's best for you and your family. Sometimes you have to put your family first, but always make sure you don't lose yourself in the big picture, too.

Human Nature

In addition to my regular duties at work, I captain the Team Building & Recognition cross-functional team. Our tasks are to create activities that help the team get to know each other, feel recognized and bring fun to the work day. Today was our summer outing (while it seems a little late, due to the nature of some of our biggest events, it needed to fall when it did.)

So, I spent my morning helping assemble tables for an organization called The Bridge. Please check it out -- they are helping ensure the future will be a little bit brighter by helping teens who are on the streets. The team also helped sort donations, paint, and move a lot of stuff out of a building they are moving out of. It was a lot of hard labor, but people definitely had to work together -- so our goal of team building was met.

Then we ventured to the Midtown Global Market. If you are in the Minneapolis-area, please, please go and check it out. It's a very affordable marketplace with restaurants, grocers, and shops representing the global variety. I had a very yummy chicken and rice curry dish and a lamb shank -- all for $7.50. It was so much food, I couldn't even eat it all.

Then the groups split into two and we each received a cooking demonstration and a salsa dancing lesson. Yes, we danced with our co-workers! I have to give the instructor much kudos. He really knew who he was dealing with (a bunch of stiff skeptics) and he got everyone out of their shell. I've never seen my co-workers enjoy themselves so much (and we were all wearing matching shirts from our volunteering efforts earlier in the morning (yes, sister dear, those shirts.)

In the end, I think everyone had a good time, helping others, doing something new, and having fun. What it taught me was that we all need to go out and explore, be okay to do something strange and scary in front of people that we have to be held accountable at a future date. I think by letting go of our inhibitions, we'll all be able to work a little better together. (Because, frankly, once you've seen your co-worker sweaty and dancing -- you really can do just about anything!)

Parallel Life

One of my favorite movies is Sliding Doors with Ms. Gwyneth Paltrow. Now, if you're not familiar with the movie, you must run and go get it, move it to the top of your Netflix queue or see if it's playing on TV. It's just sublime. The premise is that one simple thing can alter the course of your life. The movie proceeds to show what happens when Gwyneth's character catches and misses a train -- all due to how fast the sliding door closes. There are many parallels in both worlds ... and I won't ruin the ending for you, but ultimately it follows my mantra of what's meant to be will be.

Every once in a while, I wonder how my life would have turned out if certain things would have changed. If I had followed the course many of my classmates did, would I still be living in my hometown? Okay, probably not, but would I have stayed the course I'm at now, moved to NY and pursued my dream as a great writer with five day jobs to pay the rent? Moved to the West Coast and lived the life of a granola or entertainment lawyer? (Yes, I actually considered law school for a few brief moments.) If I had found a mate in college, would I be living in a very red state and be a Republican? (Again, doubt it ... but ...)

I enjoy my life, and for the most part wouldn't change much ... but every once in a while, I just have to wonder. Do you ever wonder what turn your life would have taken if you'd done just one thing differently?

Silly Guilty Pleasures - Things That Make The World Seem Delightful

It's no secret that I love this time of year. Autumn makes me smile. The crisp air, the yummy smells, the rich tastes, all the activities. It brings a smile to my face to look at my sweaters and know that I'll be able to relish everything I love over the next three months.

It made me also think to all the other things that make the world seem alright in a time of uncertainty. Here's just a few of those silly, guilty little pleasures:

Rick Astley

Now, is it just me, or does he look so much younger than I remember. I mean, the man looks twelve. It just proves that I'm aging. But look at the innocence in the dance moves. The frivolty that it presences. Oh, the eighties were a time of pure sweetness. If you want to see what he's up to check this out: http://www.rickastley.co.uk/

Starbuck's Pumpkin Loaf. This year they upped the ante and it is now topped with delicious pumpkin seeds. However, I just discovered there are over 400 calories in one slice ... so I may have enjoyed my last piece -- ever.

http://pumpkinpassion.com/ Yes, I love pumpkin everything. It's one of the things that makes this time of year so divine. If I had perhaps giving my blog a simple direction, instead of the random musings that it has ... perhaps I could have taken it this way. This blogger may be my new hero.

Playing outside with my toddler. Really, playing inside, too. His smile melts any ice that may have settled on my heart over the course of my first thirty years.

Staying in bed all day. I don't get to do this one too often. But there are a few days when I have had emotional lows ... and had to call in sick because I couldn't drag myself out of bed ... those days I stayed in bed all day.

Cheesy movies. Sorry, I love those horrible teen/tween girl flicks. There's something about watching a movie that you know is probably attacking a few brain cells that makes it okay.

Protesters ... Protesters ... Protesters

This last week the RNC was held in St. Paul, Minn. It meant a lot of things to me ... delayed traffic ... certain restaurants unavailable for lunch ... extra long commute ... extra security measures at work ... buses having to take detours ... protest updates in the news every day ... and did I mention that it totally made going to and from work a big pain in the arse.

Alas, what I found most surprising were the pictures I'd see of the supposed anarchist protesters. Many organized groups tried to hold peaceful protests, marching and trying to get their messages across. Then, this "anarchist" groups would try to create riots, showing they held no regard for authority. What angered me about these messy protesters was that they hid their faces. The peaceful protesters did no such thing. They didn't care if everyone knew what they stood for - BECAUSE THEY WERE PROUD TO STAND UP FOR THEIR BELIEFS. But it was as though these anarchists were almost ashamed, because they hid their faces with scarves. I know they are motivated by the political protesters of the past -- but guess what kiddos -- they weren't ashamed to show her were they are, because they truly believed in what they were protesting. It wasn't a show to put on so they could go back at the end of the night, get drunk, and laugh at their stories, acting self-righteous.

Perhaps some of the anarchists were hiding their faces for security reasons. Fearing for their lives, jobs, families, if they we're found out ... but alas ... then my recommendation would be to stay home or model the peaceful protesters.

Politics are in the Air

The Republican National Convention is taking place here in Minnesota this coming week (Sept. 1 - 4). The Twin Cities metro area has already begun to buzz with activity. This morning, I took K to Civic Fest at the Minneapolis Convention Center. I want my son to get as many experiences as he can. Of course, will the 2-year-old bundle of energy remember any of it. Of course not, but a few years down the road when we look at the photo of him sitting in the replica oval office, or waving in front of Air Force One, he'll laugh and enjoy it. As I was driving to the convention center ... I couldn't believe all the police cars that lined the streets of Minneapolis. It forebode of the coming week's doom and gloom of being the center of attention. But ... the RNC is actually in St. Paul ... yet all the parties and entertainment will be happening in Minneapolis. Poor St. Paul ... even when the main event is in your domain, Minneapolis gets all the glamor and attention.

Now, I'm not usually one to reprint something ... but I just had to share this hilarious article that was in the Minneapolis Star-Tribune today to help all of the national visitors acclimate to Minnesota. Enjoy! (My editorial comments will be in italics.)

Dear conventioneers: As you make your way through this strange, foreign territory known as the Land of 10,000 Lakes, here are some pointers to help you get your feet wet.
Compiled by Kristin Tillotson, Star Tribune

Driving and taxis
• "Uptown Minneapolis" is south of downtown. And a pain in the arse to drive in. I know ... I did it today.
• Most traffic lights are on the corner curbs, not overhead in the middle of the street. And some are placed in such a way that you don't know what color they are until you're practically on top of them!
• Don't take the directional indications of "35W" and "35E" too seriously. And pay attention to the next note of importance:
• Minnesotans are notorious for not knowing how to merge onto freeways, finally heaving the car into your lane at the last minute while going 25 miles an hour. We brake for on-ramps -- if not for pedestrians. This one is SO true, it's ridiculous. It's so hard not to curse when people are merging into your lanes ... but I must remember I have a toddler in the car.
• No honking! Around here, laying on your horn is the equivalent to deliberately rear-ending someone. And I always thought I didn't honk because I have slow reflexes ... guess it's more than that.
• "The Crosstown" means Hwy. 62, which goes east-west on the southern border of Minneapolis and is a common airport route.
• Taxi tips: You can't hail a cab from the street. You have to go to a designated taxi stand. During the convention, some of those stands may be closed or moved. Some cabs have glowing lights hard-wired on top. This does not mean they are available. This is really annoying ... when I was pregnant and thought my water broke and had to take a cab to the hospital ... yeah ... not fun trying to figure out where I had to go to just pick up the damn cab.

Notorious landmarks not worth the effort
• Mary Tyler Moore house. It's a private residence and has changed too much. Never been.
• Larry Craig bathroom stall at the airport. Really, what do you expect to see? Never been either ... oh that's right ... it's in the men's restroom.

The rivalry between the Twin Cities
• Never, ever refer to St. Paul as Minneapolis. Duh. The reverse never happens, so no worries there.
• St. Paulites say: Minneapolis is where we play, but St. Paul is where we live. Minneapolitans say: Minneapolis is where we live and play. St. Paul is ... someplace in Wisconsin? St. Paul is a lovely city -- the Science Museum, the Children's Museum, the Caves ... and some of the cutest neighborhoods around ... and fanciest ... just drive down Summit Ave.
• People from Minneapolis find navigating St Paul to be difficult. People from St Paul just don't believe in navigating Minneapolis. Ah, I hate driving in both!

Eating and drinking
• Soda is "pop." This one's not true in my house. We call it soda.
• Seltzer is "soda water." Again, it's seltzer for us.
• Casserole is "hot dish." And both are pretty darn gross.
• Bars are places to drink, also 50 percent of desserts made in Minnesota are bars (lemon bars, pumpkin bars, etc.). MMM... pumpkin bars!
• Do try: Wild rice, walleye and lefse (thin Scandinavian potato pancakes rolled with sugar and butter).
• Try at your own risk: lutefisk, smelly whitefish cured in lye.

Minnesota expressions
• Yep. You bet.
• "Oh, fer," as in "Oh, fer nice!" or "Oh, fer gosh sakes!"
• "Ish" = "ick" or "gross."
• "Not too bad" = Amazingly great! not to be confused with ... So TRUE!
• "It's not that bad,'' the stock answer to any question about living here.
• DFL stands for the Democratic Farmer Labor party.
• You want to come with?
• A "hockey haircut" is a mullet. Even our governor used to have one. And every guy in my 8th grade to senior year had one... Ish!
• Can you borrow me five bucks?
• Schmoozing: In Minnesota, this means brown-nosing, not just chatting (we're suspicious of extroverts).
• "We'll be up at the lake" or "the cabin." Like there's only one. And it's always "the cabin," even when it's a house.
• "Up North" is anywhere north of the Twin Cities, but "the North Shore" is along Lake Superior between Duluth and the Canadian border.
• "The Cities" is the Twin Cities metropolitan area to anyone who lives outside of it. And is so anoying to those who live in the metro area ...

Safe conversation starters
• Whatcha driving these days?
• Crop art (artwork made from nothing but seeds and other plant parts -- now showing at the Minnesota State Fair).
• The weather. (No, it won't snow while you're here. Uh, well, at least it shouldn't.)
• Hating the Packers.
• When you're going to close down the cabin, up at the lake (or at least take in the dock).
• The eighth wonder of the world, skyways (those elevated downtown sidewalks).

Risky conversation starters
• Anything money-related.
• Bridge safety.
• Loving the Vikings.
• Northwest Airlines becoming Delta.
• Ethanol.
• Garrison Keillor's latest column.
• Prince vs. Dylan.
• Outdoor vs. indoor baseball stadiums.

Pronunciation guide
Edina: Ee-DINE-ah
Wayzata: Why-ZET-ta
Shakopee: SHOCK-a-pee
Nicollet Av.: NICK-o-lett
Roof: Vowel sound as in "look"

Social customs
• Start saying goodbye at least 15 minutes before you really have to leave. Again so true and so annoying.
• Replying to an RSVP request is considered an optional courtesy. This is one of my biggest pet peeves... it's not option and it's just plain rude!
• When in doubt, be indirect.
• Be prepared to face passive aggression around every corner. If a Minnesotan tells you something is "interesting" or "different," you can be sure you've been insulted.

The End of Summer

It is often said in Minnesota that the end of summer is signaled by one event. It's an event where tens of thousands come from near and far. Where it's acceptable to have greasy hair, stained clothing, and animal poo on your shoe. (Well ... acceptable may not be the right word, but all three are frequent sightings.) I enjoy the fair for a number of reasons: the people watching ... the one time of year I eat honey ice ... the crazy vendors every where ... and did I mention the people watching.

Now, my darling husband does not like crowds (or throngs of idiot people -- as he'd tell). But he humors me by going once a year to this festivity. Or goal is to get their early so that we can try to avoid at least some of the crowds. But this year -- I don't know what happened. We go there at 9:30 and the crowds were already there!! (It doesn't really open until 9, so we thought we'd have at least a little time!)

Our first plan of action was to get the animal barns out of the way. K enjoys goats and horses, but we're not much fond of the stink that the buildings take on. So we figured that by going early, we might be better off. We we're half right. They barns were full of stench, but a little less crowded than they would be by later in the day.

Next on our mission was to try to get K a few rides (food tally at this point: yogurt for K; breakfast burrito and coffee for D; milk for me). On our way to the rides, we encountered the Grandstand and again thought it best to tour this building before it got too late (and hot) in the day. (food update: mini-donuts for all) Then it was on to the carousel. At first K was all ready to go. But the carousel jerked after the first rotation and he immediately turned and gripped on to me for dear life. The rest of the ride was a great ab workout for me, because I had to go up and down with the horse. The crazy thing was that afterwards, he asked to do it again. We then saw the giant slide. After practically getting vertigo climbing up the stairs. K and I went down the slide. Now, of course, because he was in my lap, I felt his pulse quicken and his body tense. D says from an outsiders perspective he looked like he enjoyed it. I knew it was not the case. (Oh, if you're wondering why I got to do all the rides ... it's because D has a weak stomach when it comes to rides ... apparently, so does my son.)

After the rides, we toured some of the buildings and K eventually fell asleep in his stroller. (food update: one gigantic corn dog and lemonade for K and D -- I had some of the lemonade) While K slept we went into the Horticulture building and I went to the Minnesota Wine exhibit. I tried a flight of three different ones. First -- they gave you way to much ... I just wanted a tasting ... an ounce would have done just fine ... Second -- I hate to say it, but Minnesota wine has not won me over ... I think we still have some perfecting to do. The one which was a Sogn Blanc was pretty good. Daniel liked the Zeitgeist... but then I had a plum one ... it was pure disgusting. Oh, well.

K woke up and we went to the honey exhibit and got our must-have treat of honey ice cream. It was splendid. And a good way to end the day. We watched the daily parade and then slowly made our way back to the bus stop.

Of course D and I got sunburned, didn't eat as much as we thought we did, but it was an enjoyable day and a nice way to end summer. Now ... on to my favorite season. YAY AUTUMN!!

The Joy in Manners

There is this amazing sense of accomplishment when your child says, "excuse me," "please," and "thank you" unprompted. K is only two, but always says these things so appropriately. He even will remember to say "welcome" after you say "thank you." It's small joys like these that make you feel like your at least doing something right as a parent. Bringing up a polite child in a rude world is no easy feat. Of course, by modeling this behavior, D and I have probably become a little more polite in our worlds, too.

One other joyous accolade, he loves brushing his teeth. Now, of course, there is a very important reason why he has asked three times today already if he can brush his teeth (when he first woke up, after breakfast, and after lunch.) He has a new toothbrush, but not just any toothbrush. It's one of those that plays music for the duration of how long you should be brushing your teeth. It is the greatest invention EVER! Because, he now loves brushing his teeth. He used to hate it and you had to help him brush and make him do a good job. Now he stands there for two whole minutes, brushing all of his teeth. You still have to spot check to make sure there's nothing left behind ... but thank you toothbrush manufacturer!

Just Another Day at the Office

Today was a special day at work. It's the day we gather all our key executives, share vision and strategy for the upcoming year and recognize outstanding performances. It means eight hours in an auditorium listening to speeches (which I should take credit on supporting two of them) and then being surprised and delighted with entertainment sprinkled throughout.

So, the meeting was kicked off with a little extreme sports action, including Shaun White, Matt Hoffman and a few other Xtremist athletes. It was very cool. Much cooler than I would normally admit. As they did their flips in the air, you heard the collective breathe-holding and the release when they safely landed. My colleague next to me asked me what I would do if K decided he wanted to become an extreme athlete -- I just smiled and nodded.

The next sparkle of entertainment was none other than the mystical tenor of Josh Groban. While it was not the most upbeat of performances, and he did sing Paul Simon's "America" which seemed a little outdated with all it's references of cigarettes ... it was a beautiful performance. He spoke a few kind words and received great amounts of applause.

The next performer received an even louder sound of appreciation from the audience. The talented, sultry John Legend. I have to say, he's a very beautiful man, with delicate features and a voice like velvet. Smooth as chocolate melting in your mouth. He sang a song that will be on his new album -- and it sold me as something I might need to go get. (Perhaps one day I will get an iPOD!)

Of course, the applause was deafening for the third act ... none other than the Jonas Brothers. Is it wrong to think their wholesome music, catchy beats and innocent smiles are actually good. I'm sure to some who think there above a good pop melody will say so. But you know what, it made me want to dance, so I don't care. I even got my co-worker to clap along to one of their songs. Of course, as any act, the masses couldn't stay on beat, so we graciously quit clapping when we knew it had gone astray.

The finale to the day was none other than divalicious Christina Aguilera. The girl can dance and still provide one of the top vocal performances I've ever heard. She was astounding ... and little Max even got to enjoy his mama's show. She also previewed a song from her upcoming album ... she's back and sounding better than ever.

So, all in all, it was just another day at the office (at least the first part of the day.) Now, I'm ready for the weather to start cooling off and my favorite season to arrive. But more about that in a future entry.

Presenting ...

This morning I got to sleep in a little. But ... that's only because I so graciously agreed to present an overview of my department at our northern campus. Which is nice, because it's less than a 15 minute drive from my house. Now, it's kind of funny that I was presenting to a department meeting of 100+ people. I remember when I first started out, and we'd attend department meetings and have guest speakers. Now, I've become one of those guest speakers. It was a little surreal. Of course, I don't think I knocked anyone's socks off with my 20 minute spiel, but it was good to wipe of my old dusty presenting cobwebs and have to speak on my feet for a bit.

Of course, I wasn't prepared for the whole ordeal from a technical standpoint. Due to the departments having team members in our Bangalore office, I had to put on a special microphone, and make sure I stayed standing on an X the whole time so that I was always in the camera. They handed me a mic initially for the rest of the room, but there was no way I could use a mic and a clicker to advance my slides ... I like to gesture way too much! So I had to talk slightly louder than normal, but it was okay. Because through it all, I just remembered what one of my good friends told me:

"No one's really listening to you anyway!"

It's so true, so you have to know how to interject and throw in a few laughs, but then stay serious, too. Alas, it's over, and I'm sure I will get called up to do another one sometime in the near future now that I agreed to do this one. Who knows, maybe I should charge a speaker fee?

The Littlest Creatures

Lately, I've been asking myself some religious-based questions. Most recently it's been -- so why did Noah take the mosquitoes and the mice on the ark? I guess I understand the whole equality, every animal gets it chance... but how did he not smack the mosquitoes ... and how did his wife not convince him to banish the mice?

I guess I should be upfront and explain that I just do not do well with vermin or bugs - of any kind. Earlier this spring, I found a dead rabbit in our backyard. It was completely rigamortis, but I couldn't touch it. I yelled at D and explained that he needed to dispose of it. Of course, I had to explain to him that I felt it was one of those special duties that come with the job description of a husband. Then later, I found a dead mouse in our basement, and again had to explain why I was incapable of putting it to rest and that D was ultimately responsible.

Well... this morning (you knew I was going somewhere with this) I was greeted as I entered my garage by one of Mickey's country cousins. The little rodent scurried across my garage. I realize it was more frightened by me and the sudden light that spilled into the garage. I also realize I'm like 1500 times the size of the creature. But in a face off -- the mouse would win.

Of course, D doesn't get this. He thinks I should think that mice are cute, adorable, friendly Disney-like creatures. That's why rodent-control is in his job description as husband and not mine. Because frankly, they will never look like this to me:

Brilliance

I am sure that most every parent thinks their child is brilliant. And your heart explodes with love at the simplest things. This morning as I was driving K to "school" (because that is what you must call daycare these days ...) I pointed out the car window to two rabbits and said "Look, a bunny." My two-year-old quickly corrected me and said, "Mommy, two rabbits." I was so excited because a) he knows two when he sees it, and b) he decided to correct me and call them rabbits (they clearly weren't bunnies any more.)

When I picked him up in the afternoon, he wanted to sing his ABCs and I would say he got almost 75% of it down beautiful. But perhaps the most impressive lately is his amazing dialogue. Oh, I think parents long for those days when their child is still immobile for when they can tell you exactly what they want. It's a blessing. Of course, I occasionally have to deal with a little sassafras and defiance, but there is nothing more delightful than having an earnest conversation with a toddler.

His smile breaks me the most joy, but his laugh knocks me out of the world. He's just so enjoyable. I think D and I look at him every day and are still in shock that we are responsible for bringing such a miracle to life. You want just the best for them, and I completely get how parents have sacrificed their lives for their children. It's the most noble gift you could give them if you needed to.

When You Feel Like a Jerk

Okay, so I have to send out this public apology, because I did something so horrible today... and I don't know how to get an apology out to the person who deserves it.

Today was a horrible, horrible day. First, my car didn't start appropriately (or at all really) so I had to wake my darling husband from his slumber and ask him to be all manly and get the car to work. After examining the oil level in the car, and realizing we don't know when we last got the oil changed... we added some oil. Miracle, the car started -- but I was now running an hour late.

Work was crazy hectic ... I didn't even get time to eat lunch. Which meant my work spilled into the evening and I'm now just finishing. I've been pondering what my next career move will be from a development perspective, and let's just say that today presented me a lot to ponder. To quote a dear friend of mine, it was one of those "tears in my cube" days. Again, just not a good day. One of our co-workers is leaving to move to DC, so there was a farewell fiesta for her. I wanted to say goodbye, but also catch one of our other mutual friends. But, I had a meeting run long, so I got there and only had 5 minutes I could spare... and our other friend didn't show up (at least not for the 5 minutes I was there (ha ha)).

So, on this most sweltering day, I run to catch my bus ... only to get to the parking lot and the car won't start again!! Tragedy. I'm dripping giant balls of sweat, it's truly disgusting. So, while I'm on the phone with the mechanic setting up a pick-up of the car, this very kind soul comes over to ask me if I need a jump start. I abruptly shake my head at her and mouth "no." What an a__hole I am. I should have taken the phone away from my ear and told her that I was on the phone with the mechanic, but thank her for her kind offer. Oh, I feel like scum of the earth. Wretched. Here a kind, compassionate human being was reaching out to me and I pushed them aside.

Tonight I wallow in a cesspool of misery!

The Greatest Song and Video EVER!

Music Video:FREEDOM (by George Michael)

Music Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

Is it the utopian world of beauty presented? The lyrics that speak for my generation? The great beat that makes it okay to shake your ass in the buff in your bedroom? I'm not sure the answer, but I will never forget how I would always get a thrill would I'd be able to catch this video. And let's be honest, the song still resonates. It brings back days of innocence and joy. It's what we're all looking for ... FREEDOM. And knowing that the people in our life won't let us down. Oh, George, you knew it well, didn't you?

Peck Peck

Okay... I've been wanting to write about this for the last week, but I'm now just getting time on the computer. I ride the bus. I love riding the bus. It allows me to transition into work mode in the morning and de-stress at the end of the day. But earlier this year I began to notice this one particular situation and it now eats at my nerves every morning it occurs.

There's this "couple" on the bus. Both of them are quite tall, amazonian type figures. She has long, curly hair and he's sort of barbarian looking. I would say, outside of their unusual tallness, they're pretty nondescript. They sit very close to one another in their shared seat on the bus. They always get off on 9th and Marquette. Then they proceed to say good-bye for five minutes, punctuating every other word with a kiss. I am grateful for the days that the light is green and my bus doesn't have to sit at the light, so I don't have to see this display. But I finally realized this week why it really bothers me.

There is no love/passion in their kisses! It's very perfunctory, almost robotic in motion. It's every other word. She leans in and looks like a bird pecking at the dirt. Alas, I feel for them ... perhaps they are just settling because they cannot find companionship elsewhere. A routine kiss such as theirs makes me weep. The sad thing is, I've now come to realize that she works at the same company I do ... so now I randomly see her in our cafeteria or elevator lobbies ... and I have to turn away. If i look at her, all I see is the peck peck of the morning.

If you love someone ... be sure to really kiss them!

Are the Angels Weeping?

The headlines lately are making my stomach turn. I cannot believe the state of humanity ... the gang violence against our brothers ... all forgetting that in the end we are all connected.

"Eight accused of beating father who defended daughter at Valleyfair"

"Immigrant's beating death exposes tensions in Pa. "

I have only one question ... where is the love?

Relishing Life

Life is an interesting testament of time. Relishing in the simple pleasures like a bear hug from a two-year-old or your husband looking at you in the morning and saying "I love you." Watching your son following his grandpa around like a little shadow. Laughing with your sister over something really, really stupid, but knowing it's okay that you're laughing about it.

It makes me wonder if we all take enough time to relish life. Or are we too focused on the go. go. go. Making sure you're working for the man, so that you can get paid enough to try to have a little spare time to relish life.

Ah, my Fourth of July weekend was a perfect life relishing time. We drove 3.5 hours north to go to a camping/lodge resort where my parents have a camper/trailer:

While getting sunburn was not on my agenda (and unfortunately happened the first day). I did get to enjoy watching K catch a fish, go on a boat ride, watch fireworks, see a few good movies late into the evening and just enjoy myself. Spending time with one's family may not always seem like the first thing you want to do. But I think it's nice to get re-grounded every once in a while to realize what's truly important.

A Few of My Favorite (Kid) Things

When embarking on becoming a parent, there a many things others don't tell you. Things you need, things you don't.

Now that my son is over two years old, I thought I would share a few things that made the first two years go by more smoothly.

Learn Along Leap

This toy was often a life saver when K was younger. As soon as he started to hear the high-decibel alphabet, his cries would wind down. Now, he still loves it, but he sings along with the alphabet. What can I say, if a green little frog helped him learn his ABC's -- I'm all for it.

Swaddling

Swaddling was such an important aspect of early care for us. For K to fall comfortably asleep, he had to be swaddled. True, you feel like your turning your kid into a burrito, but it does wonders. And more sleep for them means more sleep for you. An essential lesson in early parenting. If you do nothing else, learn how to swaddle. (Men seem to have an easier time with this, and that held true for us, too.)

Balls

Okay, my son has every different type of ball imaginable -- rubber balls, soccer balls, baseballs, footballs. But he has so much fun with all the different balls and playing with mommy and daddy that you just can't deny it becomes fun for you to.

Imagination

You will need to be okay with acting a fool and just having fun. Getting down to your kids level is a number one rule to successful parenting. I, of course, read all the books, still read the magazines. But you have to savor and enjoy every minute with your precious children. It goes by so fast, and nothing in my life is more enjoyable than the time I spend with my family.

Where did the weekend go?

It's already Tuesday, so I might need to be asking myself where is time flying as of late? I cannot believe it's almost July. Because summer has only officially arrived the last few days, perhaps it will linger a bit longer this autumn -- then of course, I love the cool crisp falls, so I would not want anything to shorten that time of year from a seasonal standpoint.

This weekend I had my Wine Club again (yes, see time does fly!). It was the world of Rieslings... I must say I was not converted into the love of this wine that many of my friends seemed to have. It does pair nicely with seafood -- and strange or not -- coconut. But alas, it was just not the thing to tickle my fancy. I have a few I'll recommend in a follow-up post.

D is now trying to enjoy wine with me. I purchased an Eiswein for him the other day... well... I needed to educate him about dessert wines and moderation ... because he liked it so much he poured himself a very full second glass!! Tonight we are enjoying the Rose Sofia (named after the director Sofia Coppola). Because I enjoy red wines, this was what I would consider a bridge for Daniel to try to get him over to the darker side of wines. He has mixed reactions to this one, but we'll see if it grows on him.

I am trying to decide why I've taken to enjoying wine -- I don't have it that frequently, except around my wine club because I get back into the groove. So It's typically 3 weeks off, one week on. Of course my darling sister Candalay would say it's the inner snob in me that likes it... more on that later.

Splashin' Mama's Head

So, tonight was K's swimming lesson night. I have the most precious son. I just glow when I look at him. I know Daniel feels the same. Tonight he was much more into the lessons and really enjoyed showing off his skills to daddy. As soon as he saw that daddy was watching, he'd do extra splashes and should "look at me daddy, look at me!" He particularly liked the "dives" into the water. I can't wait to see how much he loves it by August.

He's such a considerate boy. I have two stories I must share.

Zoo

We went to the Minnesota Zoo this past weekend and K just absolutely loved the animals. The first animals we saw were the monkeys (now this is where I mention that at 10 a.m., my husband had the need to purchase a large soda (w/ no lid and too large for our cup holder) and a pretzel.) When K saw the monkeys he started to make monkey noises and point out all the different monkeys to me. He just couldn't get enough.

Afterwards we went to the tropical paths and the Minnesota trails. K loved these, except when we were in the dark tunnel -- he ran through that like he had to get to the light at the other end. Of course navigating the stroller, the aforementioned large soda, my camera and trying to chase the energetic 2-year-old was not a graceful sight (and now makes me ask what was Daniel doing at this time?)

He took a particular affinity to the goats. So, Daniel and I got some of the special food so that he could feed them. He's so diplomatic (seriously, if he doesn't run for president I will be so surprised) that he wanted to make sure he fed each goat once. If a goat came up to him that he'd already fed, he would look at them and say no and try to give the food to another goat. It was just so fascinating that he was trying to be fair. He loved how they would nibble out of his hand and he'd get their teeth scraping his fingers. He tried to hug a couple of them. The animals were amazing because, of course, none of this fazed them.

We ended the day with a trip to the aquatic area and he loved the shark tank and the dolphins. I have to say by the end of the day, I felt the zoo was becoming overrun with rude people (I mean adults who had no consideration for children really annoy me.) It was just one of the most enjoyable days I've had in a long time. Me and my boys and the zoo.

Putting to bed

Tonight when I got done reading K his bedtime story, I was walking out of his room and stubbed my toe. Of course I yelped in pain. K shot up immediately and said "are you okay, mommy? are you okay?" And then went on to scold the door and tell it it was naughty. I let him know I was okay and then had to re-recite his going to bed poem that I tell him every night. But again, just one of those moments that makes me glow, I feel so special to be his mommy.

Golden Handcuffs

Wikipedia defines golden handcuffs as "a system of financial incentives designed to keep an employee from leaving the company." or better yet: "the term can also refer to any kind of situation in which a generous salary is used to keep an important employee from looking for a more desirable but less certain position."

I've been hearing this term a lot lately. Now, I work for a large corporate employer, and yes the financial security is very nice. It is why I am able to support my family and we are able to have the nice things that we have. But lately, because I've been hearing this phrase so frequently, it's got me wondering about the state of the US and the happiness of our nation. Are we all bound by golden handcuffs of some sort? Maybe not in the literal sense that Wikipedia provides, but by something that doesn't allow us to seek out a more desirable alternative?

I think about housewives of the fifties. Society was their golden handcuffs - if they were in an abusive or empty relationship, they had to stay put. They felt like they had no options. Flash forward to the working mothers of the late eighties and early nineties. They needed to prove they could do it all. So, their golden handcuffs were the facade of having the job and making sure they created a great home life. Look at celebrities who just try to get away, but because they opened their life to the paps, we feel entitled to know every detail of their life ... even when they need to take a break.

In some way, I think we all have our own golden handcuffs. Now ... if only we could all find the universal key and release ourselves. Then perhaps we wouldn't be a nation that is overweight, drowning ourselves in antidepressants, alcohol, drugs and irresponsibility. There's a lot of talk about greenwashing by companies that are trying to latch onto the sustainability movement, but perhaps we should talk about goldwashing -- the fear to take a leap because your bound by something ... be it job, relationship, or society.

If you find the key ... pass it on.

Raindrops and Reflection

When I was young, I used to imagine that I would discover that I later had superpowers. (Who didn't?) And I always thought that it would be that I can control the weather. (Okay, this was way before I knew about Storm and X-Men.)

What I do notice now, in my years of wisdom, is that the weather does have a profound affect on my attitude and that at times of my most dreary, if I look out the window -- it clearly reflects my mood. Perhaps we are all connected to mother Earth much more than we give credit for.

I've been thinking a lot lately about my priorities in life and how I might need an attitude adjustment. I've been working too much and letting work get to me -- not a good thing. It takes away from my ability to focus on the two most important men in my life. The problem is, I work with a handful of people who take work far too seriously, so I think I'm letting it affect me. I mean, I do not work in an industry that makes a dramatic impact on the world (regardless of whatever marketing ploy they have conjured up to make you think otherwise.)

I think I may start dabbling back into writing, anything that can give me a meaningful purpose with the hope of reasonable financial gain so that I can redirect my priorities appropriately.

The Leap

Well ... I've done it. I took the leap. Who knows where I'll land, if anywhere different. Perhaps, it will result in nothing, and a year from now, I still be looking at the same prospects. But I did it. I can't complain, I don't feel any remorse. I feel excitement and energy. Ahhh, perhaps it's just refreshing to know that I actually did it!

Viognier

May was the month of Viognier for my wine club. This delightful beverage is not something I've enjoyed in the past, but let me tell you, it was a lovely discovery. The crowning jewel of the evening was the $60 bottle of the Lys de Volan Condrieu. It was like liquid gold on my tongue. Peaceful, calming and oh so enchanting.

For those not familiar with this great grape, next time you are enjoying spicy cuisine (particularly if it's Asian cuisine) order a glass -- you won't regret it. It's phenomenal!

Now, because I was hosting this month, I actually enjoyed my glasses of wine (meaning, I drank them versus, tasting and spitting out.) And while I didn't even feel the slightest buzz that night, when I finally went to the bathroom, I swear ... I was peeing Viognier! And the next morning, my stomach sat heavily, oh well. It was worth it to discover a beautiful new wine that I can enjoy.

Self-Imposed Cruelty

Today I spent my morning inflicting the worst kind of torture one can do to themselves ... I went bathing suit shopping. With K's swimming lessons starting in three weeks, I knew I needed a new suit. I also knew I wasn't going to really enjoy this adventure. The first place I looked ... I swear, the suits were geared to women who want to show you their belly button -- but from the angle that it's their cleavage. I mean, we are talking LOW CUT mamas. I didn't even bother trying them on, knowing that I needed just a tad bit more coverage than that.

I tried on a gazillion suits and finally out of desperation decided to try Sears at the mall. Well, low and behind, I'm greeted by the Lands End section, and there are many classic suit options available (no ridiculous metallic embellishments or bone beading that is made to look pretty but has no chance to stand up to the function needed of a suit.)

I grabbed many options off the racks and went into the fitting room. The first suit did it. I knew it was the one. It made me feel like I could be confident as I held my son in the pool singing ridiculous water songs and trying to increase his comfort in the water.

Well, it's not for everyone -- bathing suit shopping that is -- but for this mom, it was a cruelty that needed to happen. (Note - that is not me, but it is the suit.)