Disappointment

It sits heavy in your heart like a two-ton elephant. It makes your stomach flip and curl like a bad roller coaster. It turns your face hot and red, like a Habanero. It crowds your eyes until it comes out in liquid form. Life is full of disappointment and I guess how you deal with it is one of those defining life moments. I should learn how to handle my own disappointment better. Part of me feels bad at how I handle it, but part of me needs more validation on why I shouldn't be so completely pissed off and mad at the world for all the disappointment that seems to pile up at once. Didn't I bust my arse, didn't I redeem a reputation, didn't I achieve what some deemed impossible. And when I was away, wasn't my absence felt like a sharp bullet shot through the chest. How funny that the reward for my loyalty, my blood, sweat and tears stung me like a slap in the face.

I'm not good with emotion, particularly my own. I'm an Aries, so my temper and emotions tend to get the better of me and I've spent the last three decades trying to control them and keep them bottled in. My defense mechanism is breaking down. My good friend Warren, of course, provided the best words of wisdom:

"The truth is, everything that has happened in my life... that I thought was a crushing event at the time, has turned out for the better." Warren Buffett

I always tell others that everything happens for a reason, and that usually its a good reason. I'm excellent at coaching and doling out words of wisdom. I just have a hard time taking my own advice and being consoled by my own words. And when everyone else is excited, it just exaggerates your own pain -- perhaps that's my biggest obstacle. Oh well, I wasn't in theater and competitive speech for nothing I guess. Time to put on a happy face.